


Keep Calm and Circle Up

by heregoes



Series: Circle, Circle, Ellipses [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Culture, Alien Politics, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - No Game, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Beforus (Homestuck), Karkat is a Dad, Limeblood Karkat, Other, SO, i took off the ship tags because this is family centric, no humans unfortunately, the hope here is everyone lives and no one dies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2020-08-12 00:48:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20162905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heregoes/pseuds/heregoes
Summary: classic beforus au with an entree of Dad!Karkat, a helping of Bad Writing, a side of shipping, and Slow Update juice. thanks you. o yea also scary bad politics and a wannabe child murderer that unfortunately we all know and love :( o right excerpts:Feferi looks at you, long and hard, and there's.... god, there's some kind of pity lingering in there, somewhere, which makes your palms sweat and your reassuring smile turn a bit wobbly. She doesn't mean anything by it, you know that, she kind of pities the universe and you can relate to it, in a less patronizing way."There's a mutant, in the batch."





	1. Your loathsome body has done it! It's achieved its magnum opus! And all you did was beat some mutual meat.

**Author's Note:**

> i have like. a lot of words written and very little plot touched on and also very bad work ethic wrt updating fics. but whatever i feel wild tonight and heres the first chapter anything in this fic should be homestuck typical but i stg its nothing like either of the epilogues. god, if it is, report me to the authorities. lmk if im wack and shoulda tagged something i didnt, at any given point. no ships are plot-centric here save maybe red erikar, but it's really family-centric.

Feferi doesn't _get _nervous.

That's not a thing she does.

She might get uncertain, or surprised, or confused, but she never wanders anywhere into the territory of fear. She's a tyrian, and for all she talks about equity and unifying the castes, there's genuinely nothing that could pose even a bit of a threat to her.

But, she's nervous, and she's glancing at you like _you're _the threat, and you wonder what the hell could have happened that she'd think she'd have to worry about the fits of her Peacemaker.

"Hey, Feferi," you try, tip-toeing deeper into her respiteblock. It's massive and ostentatious and you love spending time in here, with or without her, because she drags in a constant smell of sea salts and weeds, and Eridan's visits aren't enough for that seadweller smell to stick to your hive. 

"Hey, Crabcake," she calls back quietly from the chair in front of her vanity, hair loose and scattered around her shoulders and over the back of the chair. She doesn't turn to look at you, just keeps glancing at you through the mirror, and it's driving you up the wall just a little bit.

"Did... something happen?" You're apprehensive, and thoughts of your seadweller come to mind before you can remind yourself that he's safe, he's hivebent, and he's not going back out for another week or so.

"The second spring clutch just hatched," she starts, but your pusher leaps and you grin, rushing towards her with a skip in your step. You'd contributed to that pool, you recall distantly; but that's inconsequential, just a factoid that bounced to the forefront of your thinkpan for half a tick. What's important is that's the clutch Feferi's slurry got mixed with, and that's-

"That's _great! _How long 'til you get to meet your heir?" You hop onto the vanity, sitting your ass down in front of her boxes upon boxes of cosmetics, legs bouncing with excitement and, yeah, you probably shouldn't be so giddy, it's _embarrassing, _but you'd been looking forward to this for so long! Aradia had been extremely against it, which, out of some sort of misguided antagonism, made all the rest of you even more eager to follow along with Feferi's instincts. And Feferi insisted that this was the time for her heiress.

Feferi ducks her head away, but she can't hide her smile. "I already did... I was just so excited! I rushed down there as soon as Kanaya told me, and... Gosh, Karkat, they're all so _cute-"_

She stops, catching herself with her hands on your knees. Her grin falls and your own weakens, assuming the worst. "Is... They're gonna make it, right?"

Feferi gasps and nods, waving your concern away. "Oh, totally! It's perfect, super energetic, loves to eat. Um... It's just... Gosh, I don't know how to say this..."

"Don't think about it then," you suggest, putting your hands over the one still on your knee. "Just spit it out."

Feferi looks at you, long and hard, and there's.... god, there's some kind of _pity _lingering in there, somewhere, which makes your palms sweat and your reassuring smile turn a bit wobbly. She doesn't mean anything by it, you know that, she kind of pities the universe and you can relate to it, in a less patronizing way. 

"There's a mutant, in the batch."

You blink at her, having forgotten what you were talking about. You pull back, tilting your head and feeling your expression fade to something more serious, but no less concerned. "What kind of mutant?"

"Like, a real one? Not just some super rare evolutionary throwback, just... It's got bright red blood. It's, like, between fuchsia and rust, and it's _gorgeous _but..."

"But... Casteless." Which is a huge fucking problem. Not because it's in mortal peril, which might be a different matter if Kanaya and Feferi weren't overseeing this clutch personally, but because that means the wiggler's got nowhere to go when it's got walkers instead of crawlers. "Has it shown any other features? Some that might tell us who it'd be best around?"

Feferi grimaces, her teeth grinding against each other uncomfortably, and you figure this was the part she wasn't eager to approach.

That realization makes your digestive sac sink through your chute, and your ass clenches on impulse.

"Feferi... Is... Do you think it...?" You can't make the question come out, mostly because you're terrified of her answer. You don't know what to think, really. If it's yours, that shouldn't matter to you, and you should be content to toss the poor mutant in with the limes. That'd probably be the best solution even if it _wasn't _yours. Your caste is well taken care of, and takes good fucking care of others. You're proud of the work you've done.

"... It's got cute little nubby horns," Feferi croaks, hands coming up to mime them against her own, her smile wobbly and uncertain. 

You're so still. So, so, still. You aren't even sure you're breathing.

"It's healthy! It's a bit hard to coax to action, but it plays when it's played with, and it eats when it's given food. It looks like it's gonna make it," she rushes to tell you, hands back on your knees, and head ducked to meet your eyes easier.

You gently, somehow gently, push her hands off of your knees and slide off of her vanity, legs balancing even though they feel disconnected from you. "I need to... talk to Kanaya."

And you walk out.

You make a detour. You're angry- not because a mutant made itself out of your slurry, and not because Feferi had to rub your nose in your body's mistakes- you're angry that you _care. _You've never even seen the fucker and suddenly you're hiccupping and clawing at your chest because you're _terrified _for them.

Feferi has accomplished amazing things. The reform from lusii to group housing was a brilliant, if difficult, move, and it's shown genuine promise. Trolls are more interactive and empathetic with one another and 'violentblood' has turned into nothing much more threatening than a quasi-offensive meme. Casteism is still prevalent, but it's so much less deadly, and Beforus' population is turning from borderline barren to overpopulated _fast, _which is great news for the intergalactic programs that've been pretty much stalled since Feferi's attention turned hivebound. 

Uh, rustbloods got a little shafted in... every sense, but Terezi's called out Aradia's despondence for what it is, and while the error in judgement should have been avoided altogether, everyone's been chipping in their time and resources to try and catch the rustbloods up to everyone else's standard of living.

So, really. It should be fine. The grub can make it, easy, without your attentions, because Feferi has built a world that won't be so quick to stall any troll's endless potential.

Uh, except, what if it isn't? Try as you might, ten and a half trolls can't stop all the cracks, and that means some trolls are bound to fall through them. You shouldn't play favorites and you shouldn't be so attached to a hypothetical person, but you want to, and you already are. 

That's why your detour goes to Eridan's chambers, who you can tear into and be torn into right back, in a totally concerned, flushed manner befitting your quadrant status.

He's a fucking freak of nature, and he lets you act like a freak of nature, and it's really, really great. You're grateful that he was able to come home for the gathering of this news, because if he wasn't here... Well, better not to think about it. He'll be able to sort you out, set your priorities, and maybe distract you in an entirely inappropriate way.

You slam his block's doors open, letting them swing shut behind you as you storm in, all heated and garbled and teary-eyed. 

You don't spot or hear him immediately, so you billow in further still, looking out to the veranda he so likes to pile up on and-

See a pair of horns that don't belong, nestled in a pair that do.

You suddenly go still, silent, and press a hand to your desperate pusher, praying that neither's heard you. 

The music box is by the door leading out, and it's _loud. _Eridan is spooning Terezi, resting his head on hers, pushing her further into the pillows and clothes he haphazardly piled together. She's docile, letting him touch her and squeeze her. It tears you apart even further.

Your face scrunches up nearly painfully and you stumble over to Eridan's fainting couch- absolute bullshit purchase, you'd told him, yet here you are, dramatically sprawling yourself across it and burying your ugly flushed mug in your arms, crying in a gross, snotty, wheezy manner. 

You're not jealous. You're kind of fucked, about quadrants, and all your friends already know that. Terezi has tried approaching you from all kinds of angles, but they never stuck long enough, and your vacillations left her head spinning more often than not.

So this is good, she's got a reliable diamond to balance out her terrible powder keg of a girlfriend, and you've got a three of a kind in Eridan, who keeps up with your whims and needs, and god, he's such a good match for Terezi, really, you don't know why you never thought of it. You've been off your matchmaking game.

The music quiets, doesn't go away, but it softens, and your sponges are thankful. Still, that means they must have noticed you by now, and you're not sly enough to make yourself presentable before looking up and letting them see what a mess you are.

"Oh, Kar," Eridan breathes, and you _have _to look up, have to watch him approach you _so very slowly, _have to see his sympathetic crying gland flood his ugly rimmed eyes, and have to be ready to push yourself up to throw yourself at him when he crouches next to you, arms open and totally unquestioning. You bury your claws in his shoulder blades, rub your disgusting snot all over his neck, and make ugly whining, moaning sounds while you struggle to remember how to sob correctly.

Claws click against the floor and your eyes flash up, your face heats, and you're _so _embarrassed, because Terezi is still here, and she's walking towards you, face all flushed from a probably much-needed crying session, and grin weak and wry. 

"Everyone's been having a rough night, huh?" She jerks her chin at you in understanding, a promise to keep this to herself because she knows you will in return. You're a gaping wound, emotionally, and all of your friends know that, and the decent ones are nice enough to let you pretend it isn't true. She reaches over to Eridan's bed, grabs her shitty vest that makes the worst noise when she scratches her claws against it, and starts to wind it around her.

"Rez," you croak, pushing Eridan away a bit and trying to fashion a look of determination on your face. "Can you stay? I need help."

Her jaw drops a bit and she stares at you openly before dropping her vest back on the bed and nodding, stern and professional at the drop of a hat. She knows you don't mean emotional help, though you’ve leaned unnecessarily heavily on her before. Her intuition is good like that.

You sigh and look over to Eridan, who doesn't look hurt or judgmental, so you pull his jaw towards you on a whim and rub your teeth against his, gently, gently. "Mind calling Kanaya?"

He nods, short movements that you only catch because you're deeply entrenched in his personal space. You purse your lips against him in thanks, and he mirrors you before pulling away, and up, and off to retrieve his husk-something.

You sigh shakily and bring yourself up to your feet- not without help, Terezi quietly stalks over and offers her arm and you take it and force yourself to push the gesture out of mind, because you refuse to make a big deal out of _two _tiny, shitty, stupid things. 

She pulls you over to the bed, sits you at the foot of it, and you smile gratefully at her when she sits next to you, arm over your shoulders and forcibly casual.

"You wanna wait till your mini council convenes, or can I wrench a preview out of you yet?" she asks, and you politely ignore the concern twisting her brow.

"The second spring clutch hatched," you tell her, and her face lights up a split second before it darkens.

"Did something happen? Did someone kill the heir?" She's dark, and it's so easy to get lost in her.

You shake your head and open your mouth to explain, but that's Eridan clicking his way back, palmhusk in palm and expression exasperated. "She's on her way, with no small amount of bitchin'."

Terezi snorts, letting your thread of conversation go in an uncharacteristic manner. Is she just drawn to antagonize Eridan? She tends to flirt like that, no matter the quadrant. She must be quite smitten. You're so happy for her.

"She's an angel, you fly-ridden shithead. If you're on her bad side, it's because you earned it."

Eridan smiles at her, a bit gleeful, a bit hopeful. "You think?"

Terezi's chest rumbles with her laughter, which is so subdued you nearly don't recognize it for the mirth that it is. "Yeah, definitely. Don't fuck it up, mutant."

Your pusher pauses and you hiss in a breath of surprise, making their banter halt and their eyes turn to you, too many shades of concerned. You try for a pained smile. "Mutant?"

Eridan waves off the term. "Tez is just tickled teal about the whole 'what came first, the landdweller or the seaddweller' mess. Been stickin' her dirt-caked claws in my gills all day, callin' 'em mistakes." 

You... don't like the sound of that. Not the rudeness, that's classic Terezi and you think she's equal parts hilarious and infuriating and that's what makes her perfect, but... That's classic vacillation and you can't help but wonder what makes it okay when it's Eridan, but not when it's you. 

Your imagination is going to go wild for that one, when you're trying to sleep. 

Terezi sighs, pushes you a bit and sways with you. "It's not you, Karkles. It's me. Don't dwell on it too much."

"Wasn't gonna," you grumble, finding comfort in the sway. God, you love her. Why are you so emotional right now? Why are you so insecure? Why are you so scared?

Eridan comes to kneel at your feet, resting his chin on your knees and looking up at you. You like this angle of him, and you figure he must, too. He's not too freaky about it, like Equius, but the power exchange is something he likes, and he trusts you so much with his pride, which is his most prized possession. 

Not that he always should, but you guess he likes the risk.

You bow your head, teeth digging into the flesh inside your mouth. "Kanaya should already know, but... Um. The second spring clutch hatched and-"

Eridan's claws wrap around your calves and you meet the panic in his eyes. "Fef?"

You let out a huff and shake your head, reaching to grab at the base of his horn in a grounding manner. "No, no, the heir is fine. Super good, apparently. Things on that front are fan-fucking-tastic."

He relaxes, then winces, and you know he feels bad for panicking about Feferi, when you're here, in his bed, weeping. You don't blame him. She's important. She's important to everyone.

"I... I also contributed to that batch," you say, for Terezi's benefit. She brings a hand up to stifle her leering grin, but her eyes are on you and they're amused more than they're exhausted. It's comforting. "There's one they think is mine, or my descendant. It's got... stupid, shitty horns."

Terezi laughs brightly, hand around your shoulders coming up to tug playfully at your horn. "Aww, don't say that, Karkles! We love your cute, useless, stunted, nubby horns!"

You cast her a dry glare, for the routine of it, before knocking her hand off and rolling your head so you're not looking at either of them. 

"It's a mutant. Got bright red blood. Effectively casteless."

Neither of them say anything.

"Earthier than fuchsia and richer than rust?" Terezi confirms, sounding thoughtful.

You nod, mouth twisted in a self-disgusted scowl.

"Why, Peacemaker Vantas," she drawls, making you slowly turn to look at her out of the corner of your eye. She's got a bit of a distant look on her face, but her eyes are on you, and she's smiling, fondly. "I do believe you've gone and inadvertently solved our little hemocaste hierarchy problem."

You look at her like she's crazy. No, scratch that, you look at her in astonishment, because wow, she's really fucking crazy.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Eridan, apparently, is all read up on crazy headhunter talk, because he's caught that distant look too, looking at you like you're on a pedestal, and his grin's got a slant to it, making him look manic. 

"Karkat," he starts, startling you with your full chosen name.

"You've made a circle.”


	2. Can you do something for me real quick? It'll only take a childhood or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm rereading this made me kinda wanna rewrite some of the later stuff but also i just really wanted to get a head start on posting what i DO have just in case anyone has any  
Opinions(tm) so like have fun

Terezi insists on coming with you when you drag Eridan and Kanaya back down to the hatchery reserved for the Empress' clutch. You don't know what her motivations are, but honestly, you never have, and you think that's just part and parcel of being her friend. And, you did ask for her help, though you still don't really know what you expect of her, besides teasing that contrasts her gentle touches.

Doesn't mean it doesn't aggravate you, not knowing what's sliding around her pan when she watches you, when she touches your shoulder, or when she pulls Eridan aside to whisper at him, all conspiring. 

You're all piled into one of the Empress' cabs- none of you have the credentials to operate a four-wheeler, let alone any other kind of wheeler. Terezi threw her money towards getting a bunch of flying licenses, which you think is stupid, because how is she supposed to do her job when she's so high in the air she can't see worth a damn what's going on land-side? (Dragons, she tells you sternly, before pushing her nose up so it looks more like a snout.) Meanwhile, Eridan is allowed to steer boats, but it's because of who he is, not what he's done. (You think, maybe, that's part of what led Vriska to the sea. There'd been a good portion of time that she found herself caught up in trying to out-do Eridan, who, frankly, couldn't care less. He'd taken to space, anyway. Did he win, then?)

Kanaya reaches around your shoulder, pulling herself in close. At first, you're as fooled as Eridan and Terezi, thinking Kanaya is showing you some very forward affection, but that assumption is cast out when you feel your sponges soaking up her breath. 

"I have some thoughts about the wrigglers," she tells you, one of her hands coming up to thread through your hair. "Their upbringing, I mean, not their trollhood."

You pull away just enough to look at her, and she's got a smile on her face that's a bit giddy, and too much pent-up energy. There's a soft spot for her in your pumper, and you know she feels the same about you. If things were different, she might take on your vacillations and fits, and you might make yourself of use to her, somehow, despite her ability to function perfectly well alone, as she is.

"Well, feel free to share. I'm sure whatever you're thinking is gonna be better than the flakes of dried skin I've gathered from scratching my ass like a fucking tool."

She's nonplussed by your description, eager to plow ahead with her thoughts. "Well, Feferi has been struggling to think of what to do with her tyrian offspring; she doesn't want the wriggler to grow up in solitude as she did."

You nod, well aware.

"The instinct towards killing the fellow members of her caste are still ingrained in her," Kanaya says, and you feel Eridan squeeze your hand. He's probably distraught on Feferi's behalf. (He's not supposed to be listening, but of course he is.) "When she saw the wriggler, she was able to cling to more positive opinions, like how sweet and cute they all seemed, even as they began to ravage the food tossed to them. However, she did warn me that her heel was itching to stomp them, and eventually she had to leave to gather her bearings."

"So, the heir can't stay with Feferi," Terezi surmises, and you have to admit, you'd come to the same unfortunate conclusion. (She's not supposed to be listening either, but of course she is.)

But Eridan doesn't appreciate that viewpoint. "Oh, so what? Feferi has phenautical control over herself, she'd never hurt an innocent creature, unless it was for eatin'."

And... that's true... but...

"Of course, how could I forget, I definitely just chose to pointedly misjudge our Empress and lifelong friend for the sake of meddling," Kanaya snarks, making Terezi cackle and Eridan twist a scowl at her. "The concern I have is not in Feferi, but her offspring. They likely will have the same biological instinct, and growing up paces away from someone you desperately feel you must kill would ruin anyone's upbringing."

"But it'd be a perfect lesson in self-control," Eridan counters, not finished letting Kanaya shove his foot in his mouth. 

Kanaya brings her leg up and deftly manages to avoid you and kick Eridan, who jumps and practically throws himself at Terezi, who's laughing hard enough to wheeze and cough.

"If you'd let me finish detailing my idea, maybe you wouldn't be due for a flogging," Kanaya threatens, and_ wow, _you knew she had some bite to her, but this caliginous interaction is quickly veering somewhere too mature for a ride in a cab. 

"Okay, Kanaya," you interrupt, positioning yourself so you're in Kanaya's direct view. She looks at you, a bit surprised, and brings a hand to her cheek, turning her head away. Embarrassment. Good. "What was your idea?"

"Ah, um..." She stifles her grin with her hand, looking to you a bit sheepishly. "Perhaps it is silly of me to worry about being too forward at this point."

You huff something that might be a laugh. "Yeah, I think we're about three stop signals past that, now."

She laughs softly, shakes her head, and reaches to you, taking your hands. "I think you should raise her, alongside your own descendant."

You let those words ring around your pan for a steady twenty seconds, before your brow furrows and you bare your teeth in a confused, "Hah?"

Kanaya looks past you to Eridan and/or Terezi, expression pleading. 

Eridan's voice comes close to your ear. "You... are extremely thoughtful and cautious. And kind. Just forceful and shouty enough to make a statement when you need to."

Terezi says nothing.

Kanaya bites her lips and fixes you with a soulful look. "You are the most exemplary troll on Feferi's council, the exact kind Feferi wants roaming the universe. For all that she's the Empress, _you've _been our leader, leading by doing, and it's your judgement and intuition that's brought about such an age of peace and interaction. You've basically rewritten the manual for how to troll, and everyone has benefited from your social reforms, slow going as it might be... I've rephrased the same sentiment a few times now, but, Karkat. You're the perfect candidate. You are."

Terezi interrupts that globe fondling session with a dose of reality. "It's not gonna be easy though. There's a huge difference between shaping up trolls who know better and refuse to do better and shaping up trolls with no perspective or experience to draw from, aside from yours. Plus, children are fickle. They might hate you just for being the most readily available authority figure in their lives, especially because, of all the trolls on this planet, these two will be the ones with little to no freedom of choice."

"But you won't be alone," Kanaya reassures you, not bothering to deny or minimize any of Terezi's words. "Feferi will still have a hand in raising her heir, and I'm sure the rest of your friends will be happy to lend their time and love to help. I know I will."

Eridan nods against the back of your neck. 

You clear your throat, shoving your eager agreements down under your certainty that you're going to fuck up just as bad as you did when you decided to contribute the same season as the fucking Empress. "How long do I have to decide?"

Kanaya smiles like she knows you're already on board, and fuck, she probably does. "They're going to stay in the caverns for another week, to be exercised and evaluated medically. They're usually distributed to group homes around their first pupation, when they've rid their crawlers in favor of walkers, so the transport is easier. Feferi mentioned wanting to take in her heiress sooner, though, so we're going to take them aside to a pre-arranged hive about an hour away from here."

"For the sake of the killer instinct," Eridan confirms.

"Yes."

"How am I supposed to balance my Council responsibilities? We usually have people dedicated to raising wigglers, at least nowadays." You're not entirely opposed to quitting, or taking some kind of sabbatical, but you know it'll be difficult to replace you. "I mean, I can think of a palmful of trolls that would do alright taking over, but I didn't exactly prep for this."

"It should be alright to leave them alone for the most part," Kanaya says, looking a bit confused. "The group homes aren't as custodian-focused as the lusus arrangement was. The trolls grow up with each other, and by the time their schoolfeed comes in, they're well developed enough to function among and alone, unless extenuating circumstances are at play. You should know this."

You should, you guess, but with all the reforms you'd facilitated, you're ashamed to realize that a lot of the finer details and applications are completely lost on you. "I can't do this. Holy fuck, I don't know the first thing about what a wiggler needs, let alone a developing troll! I can't even remember how I grew up!"

It's been a long time, and you can tell by the look on Kanaya's face that she's realizing how fuzzy her own past seems. "Well, it's no matter. I have plenty of resources to get you, the same ones we train home organizers with."

"Is that going to be enough? Am I too old to learn, if I can't even remember my youth? How am I supposed to relate to them?" You know you won't have trouble empathizing, you're already heartbroken for your mutant offspring, and Terezi has reminded you that Feferi's heiress isn't without her own burdens. God, those poor bastards. 

Eridan reaches over and pulls at your jaw, turning your head towards him. Your eyes flash to Terezi, but she's looking out the window, so you meet Eridan's steady gaze. He smiles, but it's a bit ironic. "Now, I dunno how much I'm gonna be able to help you with all a this, Kar. But, reality is that even if I was planetside all the time, you'd likely hardly need me. You hardly need me as it is, much as you feel I'm some sort of godsend to you. You're alright. You're ill-equipped, but any troll would be. Any troll is. This ain't natural for us, to be hand-raisin' our own like this, takin' care to our young's psychological whale-bein', but we weren't raised with any kind of this care, an' look what we're doin'. Even if you manage to be harsh as the conditions we hatched into, the kids'll be fine. We were." 

He's right. He's a fucking idiot most of the time, and impulsive beyond rational thinking when it counts, but he's so good for you. You bring out the best in him, you know it, you remember how insufferable he was as a kid, but now he's holding your face so gentle, and looking at you so tender, and you half-wonder if he'd taken any inspiration from the movies or books you both took a shining to. 

You let out a short sigh, nodding at him and hoping he can feel your gratitude without you having to say it. You pull away slowly and look over at Kanaya, likely still looking shaken and in disrepair, but she's looking at you hopefully. 

"Of course I'll fucking do it."

It's not easy. Or, well, it is, actually. The textbooks and informational films Kanaya gifted you are beyond simple, outlining a young troll's basic needs, dancing through some examples of conflict resolution, there's a few handbooks on cannibalistic urges and fauna fixations leading to introllations. There are tools and exercises to strengthen psychic defense, which is something you're lucky to be resistant to naturally, as a lime. 

But there's hardly anything about relationship building, or trust, or social-emotional learning. There are reminders echoing through your head that sound suspiciously like Eridan and Kanaya, saying that the things you're particularly stressed about are hard-wired into a troll's thinkpan, and out of your control, but you don't believe that. If you weren't in the caste you are, you think you would have grown up into a completely different troll. Probably much less sure of yourself, much less eager to involve yourself in conflict to resolve it. You're headstrong and willed by fire, but if you weren't lime, if there weren't stereotypes empowering you, you don't think you would be. 

You're going to be in charge of a tyrian and a mutant, each burdened to be an outcast in wildly different ways, but ultimately to the same consequence. 

You need to know how to comfort them. 

You pay your loving Empress a visit, kicking yourself for forgetting to apologize for leaving her to worry over you, if she had the time to, and only coming back to her to ask her personal questions for your enlightenment. It's the least of your worries that you have to walk and talk, cut in between her conversations with different heads of states, pay out of pocket for tickets on grubrails and ferries (named after said loving Empress, and your association gives you a discount), and it's honestly karmic retribution that you should be seasick and miserable while she basks in river spray at the rails.

"I don't know Karkat, it's been awhile since I was anything anyone could say resembled youthful," she mumbles, fishing for a compliment. You're too busy holding your palm to your mouth, in the hopes that if you accidentally spew while looking at her, she'll be spared the spray. When she looks at you, to question over your lack of response, your disposition makes her laugh, and she continues, "No, you're right, it's definitely something that our systems haven't taken into regard. It's kind of awful, I guess, to be of import, and to have an obvious external value, but have no one to validate it. I'm lucky I had Eridan, even if he wasn't yet the troll he is today. I guess, my advice would be to impress upon them that you, personally, value them. Outside of what they mean to the world, to our empire, and the politics they've been hatched into. It's... It's so important that they know they're loved, just for being themselves."

That makes sense, simple again that it sounds. 

Feferi folds her arms on the railing, bends over to rest her head awkwardly on them. "I'm sorry that I've saddled you with this. I just worry... I don't know. Terezi was right, when she said it's possible for them to hate you for being their warden. I hope they see you for what you are. Provider."

You manage to swallow back your nausea to mimic her, keep your face directed to the waters. "It's okay, Feferi. I'm... actually kind of excited. More scared, than anything, but... I won't have any trouble letting them know I love them.

You feel her staring at you, and you wonder if you have that dopey expression on your face. The tender one, summoned by your memory of seeing the grubs, all of them, but specifically Feferi's and your own. Seeing their tiny horns, barely worth noting, and the sound of their crawlers scrabbling against the ground. Yours wasn't as rambunctious as Feferi's, but you were assured that that's sometimes just evidence of a temperament. He might just be mild-mannered, quiet. You know slurry gets all mixed up, but it still makes you laugh to yourself to think that someone mild in any way could be hatched out of yours and Eridan's overdramatic and gnarly-pigmented slurry.

You glance over at her and she looks away, smiling. 

"I didn't doubt it, Crabcake," she murmurs through her smushed face. "Even if they had nothing to do with you, I'm sure you'd love them like they needed to be."

"Because I'm lime?" you ask, jokingly.

"No," she says lightly. "You're unique. The stereotypes are... they're about limebloods being immune. They're resistant to psychic tricks, so they can keep themselves steady. They're stable, so they're more equipped to support others, and it benefits them, so they do. You're more than just a stable troll. Actually, you're pretty _un_stable."

You snort, and regret it when vomit climbs up your throat. You catch it, but your hand flies to your mouth anyway.

"You're so full of emotions, Karkat. Bad ones, ones that hurt, sure. But so many good ones, too. And you're so eager to share the good ones, even with people who don't particularly need them." There's something wistful in her voice, and you don't know what to do with that. "You're wonderful."

"Thanks," you choke. You don't know what to say to something like that. You don't think there is anything to say to something like that. But it does mean a lot to you, and you hope she can pick up on that.

Feferi hums and nudges herself against you gently. So you think she does. 

"I don't think I can do my job and take care of the kids," you confess, feeling a bit shameful that you can't do everything, but confident in your decision. "I can still delegate and facilitate my interns and their projects, but I want to give our wrigglers my undivided attention. At least until they're old enough to... to integrate, I guess."

Feferi nods, like she already knows. "I trust your judgement. Can you do me a favor though?"

You tilt your head, but you don't need to respond physically or verbally, because she's already continuing.

"Can you give them a cursing quota? I think I'll go nuts if I don't have your steady supply of steaming mouth-shit." That's a quote, and you grin despite your insane physical discomfort.

"Aw, Feferi, don't you know the stereotype?" She hums a little confused sound, and you bare your gums at her, in a playfully threatening manner.

"Limes have mouths dirtier than dung beetles."

And then you bite her shoulder and she pulls you overboard, squealing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACTUALLY specifically does anyone have any opinions on trollian handles? even in my copy i keep switching back n forth between the idea of, say, karkat using "CG" still or using "GC" to imply a reverse to his beta self??? the only thing is that kankri and co. will DEFINITELY use the beta ones, and color and quirk will be the only distinctions. (also oh god im going to have to learn how to make their chatlogs look canon. oh fuck) this is literally the only part of this world i havent thought over. rip me


	3. What if it was some other outrageous color? Would your heart stop? And why does it now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fucking hate pesterlog formatting i didnt even do it right but WHATEVER thats the whole reason ive put this chapter off for so long god DAMN. 
> 
> anyway cw for puking, karkat being mushy, and trolls typing out of quirk???????????? the first one is the only real cw the rest is me being stupid.

"They're already inside, they've been making hive sweet hive for a few hours. The respiteblocks we prepared for them are identical, but the heiress has meandered between the two of them, whenever um, yours, I suppose, managed to settle down," Kanaya says it like it's funny, but that's an entitlement issue you're going to have to deal with. You've got two seadwellers worth of personal experience, though. "He didn't actually mind sharing the space with her, but, um- oh! That's something you'll need to know, it's in their medical history now, but your wiggler has a... temperal disposition? His temperature fluctuates a bit wildly, but he seems to be listening to his instincts, and it hasn't proven to be too much of an obstacle or concern."

"It doesn't make him ill?" You know when it gets to be a little too warm, you can be persuaded to vacate your intestines. Sometimes you think that's why you fell for a bunch of coldbloods. Your cold-resistance is stronger than your heat-resistance.

"No, he just moves to wherever he needs to, to warm up or cool off." Kanaya pulls you inside, shutting the hive door behind you. The hive is quaint, but just fancy enough to keep from feeling like a disrespect to the heiress. "It's awful to say, and I don't think you want to hear it, but there are still a vast amount of wigglers who die in the caverns. He made it this far, and he's going to continue on just fine."

It does suck to hear, but it's not news. You don't know when you became the troll that people try to shelter, but it's aggravating. You're realizing that the trolls around you have put an awful amount of effort into making life on Beforus sound better than it is, which is _stupid_, because you were raised when it didn't even have a shadow of the potential it has today. You can stand a little reality, no matter how empathetic you are.

"It should essentially be like living alone," she says breezily, moving quick and pulling you by the wrist so you don't have time to linger around and look over every single thing.

There's another floor, and she leads you up it. "Down here there's a guest ablutions, a nutrition, and recreation block.... er, the nutrition and recreation blocks aren't really separated, though. Modern architecture, I guess."

Upstairs there's a hall leading to another set of stairs, with only two doors, one on either side. "These are their assigned respiteblocks, and they have personal ablutions. I suppose when they're a bit older they might claim one of the blocks definitively as their own, but I wouldn't concern myself with their goings on if it seems like their boundaries border into each others' space."

"Uh, do I have to check to make sure they aren't stewing in their own shit, at least?"

"Hm. I suppose if you want. They'll pupate soon, though, so you can wait until then." Kanaya pauses at the foot of the second set of stairs, and turns to you, grimacing a bit. "Actually, you might prefer to clean their areas for your own wellbeing. The heiress sniffs out her meals easily, but your descendant needs to be prompted to eat."

You nod, because it's nothing you haven't heard before. You know your little mutant has specific needs, needs extra attention, even if Kanaya does her best to sugarcoat it. As if you wouldn't _want _to pay that extra attention. It's dumb, but you know she's pretty much always overstimulated, and she's bound to project.

She jerks her chin and pulls you along with her, up the stairs. There's a short hall with a dead end. There's a door on either side. She smiles at you, moving her hand from your wrist to your palm and squeezing it. She's touchy with you, and you know it's because she knows it grounds you. She's perfect like that.

"The right one's your respiteblock, the left's ablutions. They're both a bit fancier than you tend to choose, given the option, but... Well, I may have made a few suggestions." And you smile back at her mischievous grin. Like doing you a favor you wouldn't have imposed yourself is some ingenious prank.

"Thanks, Kanaya. I owe you more than I could say."

She scoffs and waves you off, blinking to look away and out to the dead end. You're both caught in a bit of a bubble, standing side by side at the foot of the stairs. You think this is a deciding moment for something, but you're not sure what.

"Am I worrying you?"

"Maybe." She squeezes your hand again. "Yes. I don't know. All of you worry me, you know that."

"Even Eridan?" you say, with a teasing grin.

She scoffs, but she's smiling too. "Sure, yes. Even him. But barely."

You laugh a bit. "He's going back out soon."

"I know."

"Are you gonna accost him before he goes? Or leave him wanting?"

She shrugs, and you take pleasure in her cheesy grin. "I don't know. Which do you think will drive him crazier?"

You think on that, seriously, for a minute. You want them to be happy. "Maybe you should see him off. Holding something blunt. Show up just before he's about to go. Make him think he's missing out on that flogging you promised."

She giggles. "Ohhh, that's good. That's really good. You're good."

"Oh, I know," you say with confidence you really haven't earned. "Romance expert, certified."

She laughs more, and you like her too much to take offense to it. When she calms, the tension around the two of you has dispersed, and you think whatever moment you felt before has passed. You think you made the best of it.

"Alright!" She lets go of your hand and starts making her way down the stairs. You follow her, but you stop a few feet away from the second set, and she pauses when she's half her height, to smile at you. "I'm going to go now. As you know, my husks are always on. If you need anything..."

"I'll let you know," you assure her. You'll have a lot of free time, probably. Anchored with some nonverbal and self sufficient wigglers. You'll probably take turns annoying all of your friends. "Thanks again. And good luck with your, um. With Eridan."

She laughs lightly, nodding. And then she disappears down the stairs.

You take a breath, trust her to lock the hive behind her. You look between the two doors and follow your gut, going into the left one.

It's big. Furnished. Impersonal. You look around, thinking about the things you'll have to get them. Will you have to get them things? You can't remember how you got your things.

You... built your hive. With help. Lots of help. Carpenter drones from the old empire. They still exist, but they work with adults now.

They're not going to have to do that. How is your wiggler registered anyway? There's a chance he isn't. They won't have citizenship certificates until they pupate and they can verbalize things. You're going to have to talk to him about his lack of birthright early. That's going to suck.

You meander over to the bed, sitting down on it, dropping heavily. You look around. You don't see them, but that doesn't mean they didn't hole themselves up somewhere. Your head tilts at an impulse, and you struggle to remember that you're alone. So it's okay if you do something kind of stupid looking.

Only you can judge.

You laugh at yourself lightly, and scoot forward a bit, bending down, down, down, so your head is hanging between your legs and you can see under the bed, sort of.

Not enough, though, so you lean further.

Further, so you aren't even sitting on the bed anymore, just bending over like a yoga student.

And yeah, there they are. Your pusher squeezes, seeing the heiress laying on top of your bright red little mutant. They're asleep, you think, which makes sense. All they're supposed to do at this stage is eat and eat and sleep, in preparation for their pupation. You're kind of selfish though, so you spin and crouch instead, reaching forward to tap your claws against the floor.

The heiress keeps sleeping, but the red one wriggles, pulls back out from under the heir, to scuttle into a neat little circle, to look at you.

Bright red orbs stick out of its ugly little face, and you wonder how his eyes will look when he's fully grown. He's going to look normal when he pupates, all grey and unassuming. You quirk your mouth in a wry little smile and think that you might be growing to that bold shade of red. You'll miss it, while its gone.

You tap your claws down again. It just stares at you, unimpressed.

"Uh, are you hungry?" you try. It's dumb. They can't talk yet, even if it can understand you.

It just brings a grubleg up to scratch at its face, seadweller-type lid coming closed over its right eye. You stare in a bit of a shock, then chuckle to yourself. You're reminded of Eridan's spiteful silent treatments, which never play out in his favor. He doesn't stick to them long, but they're a common feature. You wonder if there's a method to this kid's silence.

"Listen, I'm gonna bring up some food for you guys. You don't _have_ to take it... but it'll be here."

It doesn't respond to the patronizing tone you tend to adopt when Eridan's being petulant, and you feel kind of stupid for thinking it might huff or something at you.

Still, you sit a moment, watching it, then sigh and stand, going for the door. A scuttling sound makes you stop, turn your head slowly back down at the bed.

It's there. It's not doing anything. Looking at you, certainly, but it was doing that before.

You blink at it, then turn and keep walking, and it keeps scuttling behind you. You try to stay casual, but you can't help but look at your feet, nervous about it deciding walking under your feet might be a good idea. You hear it scuttle and thump down the stairs, but it doesn't screech like you know wrigglers are capable of. You make your way all the way to the nutrition block, walking just casually (slowly) enough for the wriggler to stay on your heels, and you open the refrigeration tub. "Let's see. What's on the menu?"

You don't get a response but at this point, you don't expect to.

"How does... deconstructed raw grubloaf sound?" You pull out the giant foil tray that's specifically for the wigglers. They prefer fresh raw meats, but that's neither here nor there. They'll only have to deal with this for awhile before they're gonna have a more refined palate. You’ll need a few more trays of meat before then, by delivery, but you’ll probably bust open your wallet when they’ve pupated to taste the town’s diversity. "I hear it's all the rage in North Beforus."

You separate the slices, grabbing four and piling them onto the cutting board conveniently sitting on the counter next to the sink. You don't know how much they eat, these ones in specific, but they should be storing up nutrition for pupation, so overestimating sounds smarter than underestimating.

You pause and set the tray aside, moving your attention to the cabinets, There's dishes- not many, which is all the better. There's only three of you, and if your cleaning habits don't stick on them, you don't want to come down to see an overflowing sink.

Ah, there it is. Grain. It's a full baked loaf, also not fresh, but not rock hard either. You grab the whole thing, and the cutting board meat slice platter, jerk your chin at the wriggler sitting still a decent distance from you, still just staring at you. You gesture with the loaf like it's a weight. "Carboloading."

He doesn't know what that is, but that doesn't matter. He opens his fanged little mouth at you, thin and serrated teeth blunt enough for mushing instead of piercing, just like you-!

And he vomits.

Barfs a pink-tinged, chunky, yellowy mess.

And- you don't panic. Quite.

"Fuck."

You shove the loaf under your arm with the platter, scoop up the wiggler- _now _he screeches- and jog upstairs, setting him down gentle before laying out the food and closing the door on your way out. Your hands scrabble over your pockets and you pull out your palmhusk, finding and calling Kanaya- and god, she must still be in traffic, right? How long has it been, ten hundred ticks?

"Hello?"

"Holy fuck, thank whatever shit eating monsters float out there and meddle psychically in our pathetic lives."

"Karkat, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

You're crouching by the vomit and trying to tell if it's blood or if wriggler spit is just... really... something... "I bet you thought you'd have a longer window to breathe in before I called you for help, right? Well! Here I am! Calling! Because I think my wiggler is dying and I have no fucking clue what to do about it!"

"Slow down, Karkat. Did it get injured, or-"

"It puked. And I think it puked some blood."

"...Karkat-"

"I'm looking at it right now and I can't really tell. It's rancid like, like fucking... dead meat, and bile, and it's pinkish like his- like something came out that wasn't supposed to, probably, but that's all vomit, right?"

"Karkat."

"Wait, shit, I mean. I guess some vomit is supposed to come out. Fuck, what if he ate something toxic? Do you guys really comb your meat providers? Is there a chance that he ate something bad and now he's sick and- shit, it could still be in his system though, vomiting is only a first-step detox-"

"_Karkat!_"

"Right, right- sorry. You're the expert. What did I do? What should I do? Fuck, I knew I couldn't-"

"Karkat, you're doing fine! You've only been with them for- goodness, you're fine. Wrigglers puke sometimes, that's just something they do. And sometimes they puke things they ate, and may I remind you that there are plenty of species of animals with red-hued bodily fluids?"

Well, she's right. You can't really tell if it's the same bright-red-eye-burn hue that the wriggler’s blood or spit or tears might have, but still, right? There's _always_-

No, there isn't- this is already an unimaginable scenario, you have no reason to be so sure of something Kanaya has plenty of experience with.

"Karkat? Are you still there?"

You nod, then shake your head, bringing a hand up to cradle your brow. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, you're right. I'll- I'm done being an idiot. Thanks for my fifteen hundred ticks. Future Karkat will... keep this moment of embarrassment in mind."

She laughs and it crackles. You know it's melodious in person. "Alright. I don't mind reassuring you over every bump and gurgle, but some discrimination would be appreciated. I do still have a job. Several, actually."

"I know, I know. That- I'll bite my tongue off next time, I will. My lusus was amphibious, maybe it'll grow back. You think that's a learned behavior?"

"Maybe, but I don't think I'd recommend you try it. Find out if seabeasts have regenerative properties and have Eridan test it."

"What, you flirting with him through me, now?" You say, standing and going to look for some absorbent-anythings.

"Ha, ha, ha. Okay, I'm going to let you go now. I'll come back in a few days anyhow to bring some more supplies and check in, so keep that in thought."

"Alright. Thanks, again.”

She disconnects, and you sigh, having found a roll of disposable absorbent sheets.

This is your life now. Not hers, and not anyone else's. Gotta chill the fuck out about it.

Things pass much the same for awhile. They eat, they sleep. The mutant doesn't follow you as close anymore, when he's drawn to. Definitely doesn't let you close enough to pick him up again. Not that you've really tried, but it makes you feel shitty, seeing him scurry away from you like that.

Eventually you wake up, some weird time that you wouldn't have woken up at back when you had scheduled responsibilities and people bugging you for things. The wigglers don't even bug you for anything, and they're the basest form of troll there is. Well- the heiress, when you catch her awake, can be a vicious little thing, hissing and screeching and scuttling around to intimidate you. It's really cute, actually, but you have your own fun in acting like she's a threat. Only a few days in and it hits you that it's ingenuine, or at least a game to her. One that she delights in winning.

Kanaya, when she visited, lingered around to watch your interactions. She'd called your arrangement 'novel', and 'beyond endearing.' Whatever she saw in your interaction soothed something in her, which you hadn't noticed was uneasy, and she arranged for a series of deliveries in lieu of visits. That should have been equal parts promising and saddening- less friendly and verbal interaction- but you just preened, glad you could make such an impression.

You make your way down, rubbing sleep from your eyes and thinking towards whatever else you can do to make this place... homier. Without making it yours. You want to wait, want to see what these kids will be like, what their interests will be. You also know that most group homes already have character to grow into, have other trolls to fill in the negative space.

Your wigglerhood memories are few and vague, but your hive was custom-built to _your_ suiting, and you had a hulking lusus lurking around to make up for the overwide halls and overtidy blocks. You don't know if trolls these days know enough to know what they're missing, in that department, but you still find yourself anxious about it. You're worried you'll be stifling, and you're worried you'll be absent, and either way their isolation and loneliness will be highlighted dramatically.

You nudge the right door open with your foot- they've been alternating. You think it's your mutant's doing, he scuttles away from the heiress'... something. Chill, energy, noise. And then she follows him, for... something. Company, or to claim the space he wants as her own.

You'll figure them out sometime, sometime later.

Or, sometime soon, you realize, seeing two coons side by side in the block. You grimace and hope that your little mutant doesn't mind how the heiress butts her way into his personal space, because there's no way of moving that coon without ruining it, even just a little. You tilt your head, thinking. They're going to be in there awhile... The books said their pupation could last anywhere from a week to three. You imagine your little mutant will take the full three, if he has anything to say about it.

You pull back, pull the door shut, gently. They're completely lost to the world, which is part of why the symbiotic relationship between lusus naturae and troll was formed. Nothing to defend them from, though, but noises too loud and dust, maybe.

You jog down the steps, letting out a long breath when you hit the ground floor. You've _really_ got nothing to do now, for weeks. You're already kind of stir crazy, but organizing, reorganizing, and cleaning after the little shits' not-so-little shits kept you busy enough.

You collapse onto the couch, husk in palm, remotes to the entertainment armada of consoles and shit laid out on a short table in front of you. You'd never needed more than your palm husk and top, free to crash and mooch on your friends' luxuries. Sollux has all the top-grade tech, Eridan and Feferi have delicious self-care remedies worth less than they cost, you haven't bought a single piece of clothing in sweeps, thanks to Kanaya...

So you rely a lot on your friends, you're realizing. You don't really know what to do with yourself when you're by yourself.

That's... not great.

You open up trollian, not surprised by the lack of notifications, seeing as all your friends are exceedingly busy with Council responsibilities. There is one troll, besides Aradia, anyway, who tends to operate on a laxer schedule.

> clarifyingGesture [CG] began trolling tantamountClownery [TC]!
> 
> CG: HEY, ARE YOU BUSY?
> 
> CG: I MEAN, OF COURSE YOU ARE. I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU WERE OKAY TO TALK FOR A MINUTE.
> 
> CG: I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE HEARD, OR, IF IT’S UNDER WRAPS? I DON’T KNOW WHY IT WOULD BE UNDER WRAPS, I KNOW YOU AND FEFERI ARE CLOSE.
> 
> CG: BUT MAYBE SHE WANTED TO SPARE MY FEELINGS OR SOMETHING? UGHH.
> 
> CG: I SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO HER AGAIN, BUT I DUNNO. I’M STILL BARELY PROCESSING THIS, I’M JUST… GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS AND DOING WHAT I HAVE TO. AS USUAL I GUESS.
> 
> CG: IT’S LIKE I CAN’T LIVE A NORMAL GODDAMN LIFE ANYMORE. AS SOON AS I HAVE TIME TO STAGNATE FOR LIKE, FIVE FUCKING MINUTES, MY PAN FLIPS OVER AND BURNT EGGS CRUMBLE OVER MY HAIR LIKE DANDRUFF.
> 
> CG: UGH, FEEL FREE TO IGNORE ALL OF THIS. I REALLY JUST UNLOADED ON YOU OUT OF NOWHERE, YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT EVEN THE PERSON I SHOULD BE TALKING TO.
> 
> CG: I DO MISS TALKING TO YOU THOUGH. WE USED TO BE PRETTY CLOSE. BUT I GUESS I COULD SAY THAT ABOUT ANY OF US, HUH?
> 
> CG: DO YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH TAVROS AS MUCH AS YOU USED TO?
> 
> CG: OR EQUIUS?
> 
> CG: AND NOW I’M JUST ASKING QUESTIONS I KNOW WON’T BE ANSWERED IN ANY TIMELY FASHION. KINDA FAMILIAR, HUH?
> 
> CG: I’M BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE. I’M SORRY.
> 
> TC: wOaH wOaH
> 
> TC: nOw ThAt AiNt A hAnDlE iVe SeEn In AwHiLe :o)
> 
> CG: OH SHIT! HI!
> 
> CG: HOW ARE YOU? DID YOU JUST FINISH A SERMON?
> 
> TC: sUrE dId, AnD iT wAs A mOtHeRfUcKiN hOoT iF iM aLlOwEd To PaSs JuDgEmEnT
> 
> CG: I’M SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT! AND ALSO REALLY GLAD I WASN’T THERE FOR IT, IF IT REALLY WAS THAT GREAT. YOU GUYS GET LOUD, AND THAT’S *WITHOUT* THE PSYCHIC SHIT.
> 
> TC: hAhAhA
> 
> TC: BuT hEy, I hOpE yOu KnOw I'm NoT iN tHe HaBiT oF aLl Up AnD iGnOrInG a BrOtHeR, eVeN iF hE aSkS. :o/
> 
> CG: YEAH, I KNOW. YOU'RE... NOSY.
> 
> CG: (O:B
> 
> TC: :oO
> 
> TC: nIcE oNe!!!
> 
> TC: So HoW gOeS yOuR ePiC jOuRNeY, mOtHeRgRuBbEr?
> 
> TC: I hAd To CoNsUlT wItH yOuR sUbStItUtIoN; hAd Me ThInKiN yOu GoT yOuRsElF a WiCkEd MaKeOvEr
> 
> CG: RIGHT… I GUESS YOU’RE AT LEAST A LITTLE CAUGHT UP?
> 
> TC: YoU'rE tHe MoThErFuCkIn HeIr WaTcHeR. dUnNo WhAt FeFeRi WaNtS yOu To Be DoInG tHaT a CaMeRa CaN't, ThOuGh...
> 
> TC: UnLeSs YoU vOlUnTeErEd, BeInG tHe SoFt-TiSsUeD gUt-TrUsTeR tHaT yOu ArE. :o)
> 
> CG: EHHH, I KINDA DID? I KINDA WAS ASKED. THOUGH, IT WAS SUPPOSEDLY ALL KANAYA’S IDEA.
> 
> TC: tHaT mAkEs A hEaP oF sEnSe
> 
> TC: sO wHaT aRe ThOsE fOrBiDdEn DeTaIlS? i TrIeD aSkInG oUr MaCrOmAnAgEr, BuT hE jUsT lAuGhS aNd LaUgHs EvErYtImE hE sEeS mE nOw.
> 
> CG: OF COURSE. WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE, HE IS.
> 
> CG: SO, YES, I’M WATCHING OVER THE HEIRESS. I DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW HOW LONG FOR, BUT I THINK UNTIL SHE’S FULLGROWN? I THINK THE EXACT WORDS WERE ‘PREPARED FOR INTEGRATION’, BUT WHO CAN SAY FOR SURE?
> 
> TC: tHaTs A lOnG tImE....
> 
> CG: YEAH, THAT ALONE IS- WOW. LONGTERM PROJECT IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
> 
> CG: BUT THAT’S...
> 
> CG: IT’S NOT JUST HER, THOUGH. UH.
> 
> CG: STUTTER, STUTTER, STAMMER, VOMIT. UM.
> 
> TC: mIgHt Be WrOnG bUt YoU sOuNd NeRvOuS.
> 
> CG: NICE READ.
> 
> CG: I CHOSE THE WRONG TIME TO BE HORNY AND SPROUTED MYSELF A MUTANT. SO I’M WATCHING OVER HIM, TOO.
> 
> CG: I KNOW, I SHOULD HAVE TOSSED HIM IN WITH THE LIMES, BUT TEREZI AND ERIDAN HAVE THIS WILD, STUPID IDEA THAT HE CAN BRIDGE THE CASTES BY TURNING A LADDER INTO A CIRCLE.
> 
> TC: Holy shit
> 
> CG: OH, SHOCKED YOU OUT OF YOUR QUIRK?
> 
> CG: WHICH PART WAS IT? MY SHITTY GENES MAKING AND BREAKING A TROLL’S LIFE IN ONE GO?
> 
> CG: OR THE FACT THAT I’VE TOPPED THAT BETRAYAL BY BURDENING HIM WITH THE OVERHIGH EXPECTATION TO FIX THIS SHITTY’S RACE’S CASTEISM PROBLEM?
> 
> CG: NO MATTER WHAT, HE’S BUILT FOR FAILURE. TRAGEDY. NOTHING GOOD. ONE TROLL AGAINST A WORLD HE’LL NEVER MATCH.
> 
> TC: No, no no
> 
> TC: He’s built for progress!
> 
> TC: Just like you :o)
> 
> TC: Would you have changed the world so much without Feferi’s giftly miracle magic all keepin’ you around?
> 
> TC: Alone, you’d never have been the one to finally topple the dotted tile to change the world
> 
> TC: And he’s growin up with the next empress, right? Like we did
> 
> TC: She might just give him that time too :o)
> 
> TC: That does... sound stressful as all get out, though
> 
> TC: And I’m sorry you’ve been saddled with this, Karbro
> 
> TC: bro?
> 
> CG: Sorry
> 
> CG: Yeah that makes sense
> 
> CG: Sorry I dont know what to say to that
> 
> CG: Thanks though
> 
> CG: Jeez, I came in here masturbating myself a grand ole pity party and you just
> 
> CG: You’re a great friend.
> 
> CG: The best.
> 
> CG: Thank you
> 
> TC: :o)
> 
> TC: i hate to ruin the mood....
> 
> TC: but this didnt...
> 
> TC: it’s not weird, right?
> 
> CG: Oh, like,
> 
> CG: No! no it’s not weird
> 
> CG: I mean even if it was weird, Eridan has a moirail now! A real one.
> 
> CG: He and I are... Weird. Unconventional. But he’s fine, he won’t mind. I’ll even tell him we chatted if it makes you feel better.
> 
> TC: I don’t doubt your loyalties, and I know my thinkin’s kinda archaic
> 
> TC: I’m workin on that!
> 
> TC: But it would :o) thanks
> 
> CG: You know, I’ve got a buttload of free time on my hands. If you want, we can cyber him tomorrow?
> 
> TC: Haha, I’d love to :o)
> 
> TC: I ain’t spoken to him in but a minute
> 
> TC: Now that we got plans, I think I oughtta tend to my trollbloods in need
> 
> CG: Of course! Right, yes, go go. I do not want to get in the way of your work, man.
> 
> TC: SeE yOu On ThE fLiPsIdE fRoGfRy
> 
> CG: HAHA, SEE YOU.
> 
> tantamountClownery [TC] ceased trolling clarifyingGesture [CG]!

You stare at the chat for awhile longer, even when his username goes dark. You think you cried, maybe, a little bit. It's dried by now, though, and you just feel warm in a nearly sickly, queasy way.

You want to go eat something, to make up for the fact that you feel like you could use a good nap now, but you have a promise to keep so you switch over to your chat with Eridan.

> clarifyingGesture [CG] began trolling constableAuspicious [CA]!
> 
> CG: I TOTALLY JUST UNLOADED ON GAMZEE, BREAKING A SEVERAL SWEEP STALEMATE. SO, I GUESS THINGS ARE MORE NORMAL THAN THEY FEEL.
> 
> CG: YOU'RE PROBABLY BUSY! THAT'S TOTALLY FINE, AND DON'T GO PLAYING LIKE YOU'RE GUILTY WHEN YOU COME BACK TO ME, YOU WERE RIGHT WHEN YOU SAID I DON'T NEED YOU.
> 
> CG: WELL HALF-RIGHT.
> 
> CG: I WANT YOU, AND THAT'S JUST AS IMPORTANT.
> 
> CG: LOVE YOU, IDIOT. DON'T THINK THAT SELF-DEPRECATION MAKES IT PAST ME.
> 
> CG: JUST 'CAUSE YOU COULDN'T LAND THE EMPRESS DOESN'T MEAN YOU AREN'T THE CATCH I'M WELL AWARE YOU ARE.
> 
> CG: ALSO! YOU'RE CYBERING WITH GAMZEE AND I TOMORROW, SO BE THERE!
> 
> CG: REGALE US WITH THE HORRORS OF SPACE. I WORRY ABOUT YOU, AND I HATED NOT BEING THERE TO SEE YOU OFF.
> 
> CG: OK, I'LL STOP SPAMMING YOU.
> 
> CG: BE SAFE.
> 
> CG: <>3<
> 
> CG: (:B
> 
> clarifyingGesture [CG] ceased trolling constableAuspicious [CA]!

Aaand. That's about all the bugging you can stand to do, in one sitting.

You go make yourself a sandwich.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway i cant stand this chapter anymore but . i think im almost done with this story as a whole? like i think im almost ready to start the next story in the series! wow. i expect it to be around 9/10 chapters?? so its a shorty but im sitting at 21k right now and for a SERIES? well. we'll see what the overall becomes lol. 
> 
> im still ironing out some plot stuff but this things just supposed to get the ball rolling. this universe is about the bef kids!!! dont let karkat convince you otherwise.


	4. And your life could have been brief, and your life could have been not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo not to SPOIL anything but theres a real stressful part in here about kankri not being able to get out of his pupa alone.

You can't help but scowl at Sollux, leaning on your charges' coons like they belong to him. It's bad form even among friends, but he doesn't know them, can't until they're out, and they've never seen him even as wrigglers.

You bounce in place at the doorway, arms crossed tight. You're five days into their pupation, and he says he wants to record it, to show Aradia whenever she decides to show her face again. Or just send a damn text.

You don't like her one bit. You feel awful for her, because she's batshit delusional, but you feel worse for Terezi and Sollux and Feferi, who trip over themselves trying to be something she'll anchor herself to.

"Can you," you stammer, struggling to keep from seeming too touchy, because Sollux is _perceptive _when it comes to weakness, and he'll latch onto that and make you suffer for it. "Can you not fucking use my charges' coons like fucking arm rests? You're scrawny enough that thin air can support your useless vestigial flappers."

"Oh, FF won't give a fuck. Or, she doesn't need to know," he says, for some fucking reason- thankfully, you guess- thinking your frustration is stemming from the _job _aspect. He struggles enough with connecting to you guys- the Council. He probably can't figure you've already developed an emotional investment. "So, yeah? Let me set up a camera or something- or call me when it happens? Or, I guess if you think you won't be crying into your sleeves, you could use a handheld yourself."

"And, again, you want to record it because..." Your patience is _so thin_. Thinner than his fucking treelimb legs look all doused in black fabric.

"Dunno. Might be gross enough for AA. You know she's got that thing, she likes _gross_ things." And he can't even say the word. What's she see in him?

Oh, now that's not fair. You've always wondered what he sees in her, and you can't throw him to the prehistoric culling just because you're irritated with him.

Not that he keeps that in mind when he decides his hobbies are more important than keeping track of his meds or moodswings. 

Again. You won't hold that against him. You can't. Not just because you're feeling overly defensive. 

"Look, I-" You swallow, breathe, try again. "Listen... I don't... I don't think I'm comfortable with that at all, actually. You may have lost the meaning of privacy, especially with the work that you do. I don't... actually fault you that. But I'm not going to... film their debut into their... life. For the entertainment of a troll who didn't even want them to be born."

Sollux absorbs that, then starts and points at the one he assumes is the heiress' coon. "Actually, she just didn't want the heiress to exist. She doesn't have anything against your mutant. That’d be… yeesh, that’d be _really_ problematic."

You hold your breath. Deep breathing will no doubt result in frustrated screeching or worse, and you need to keep your fucking cool if you hope to get anywhere near the rational part of his deranged thinkpan.

"No. I'm not agreeing to this. I don't like Aradia, and I don't trust her, and I think it's fucked up to film something like this because your shitty girlfriend likes '_gross_' things." That's as clear as you can put it. And you barely even raised your voice! 

Sollux takes longer to absorb that, and he straightens up, brushing off the coon where he'd been leaning. He looks taken aback, as taken aback as someone with the smarmiest resting bitch face can look, and he takes a few steps towards you. "I- alright. I was feigning apathy."

"Oh,_ feigning _it? That's new," you scoff.

"Yeah, yeah, yuck it up." He comes to stand close to you. Not too close, but you think that's because he's let you as deep into his personal bubble as he's willing to, not because he's respecting yours. "Listen, FF is putting on a brave face, but she's totally wrecked about this mess. She wants to be here, but she doesn't want to introduce her heiress to a raging killboner the instant she breathes stale hive air into a troll body."

Your frustration melts away in an instant. Even if he's bullshitting you, that's a good fucking point, and you're totally going to let him win. You're a sucker, and he knows it, and you know it, but at least he's letting you feel like less of one when he goes totally over your horns. 

"Sure, whatever. I'll film it. But. Don't make any copies, and I get it back." You meet his eyes when you say this, pointing at him with your blunted claw, which totally gets the point across that you're _serious._

He grins, only a little shit-eaty, and hands you the handheld. "Thanks, KK."

You shrug, nod. You let it show on your face that you know you're being played, but what else would your dynamic be if you weren't the only person whose emotions he knows in and out well enough to manipulate. 

Still. "_Thankth, KK."_

He punches your shoulder lightly, and slides by you, heading out and downstairs. "I'll see you later. I don't trust my interns even a little bit. I'm pretty sure my office is in flames by now."

"_Th_-tay _th-_afe," you call. The last thing you see going down the stairs is a middle finger. 

You didn't expect it to go how it went.

She eats her food hanging out of the ridiculous tub in the right block's ablutions, wearing gray boxers two shades lighter than her skin.

"Mm, this is good," she says, twisting noodles around a nutrition fork. "You gonna do this all the time?"

You're sitting on the edge of the tub, hands clasped loosely between your knees. "Dunno. Plenty of times, at least."

"Sweet," she chirrs happily, and bends her neck at an odd angle, smiling at you with bags under her eyes. She just woke up, and she looks so exhausted. It makes you want to twist a smile right back at her, though it comes a bit wry. She wrinkles her nose, looking happy, and dives back into her food. "I'll gladly eat Chatterbox's portions while he takes his sweetass time."

"Sure," you agree easily. "But maybe I can teach you how to cook."

"Maybe?" She splashes water wildly, sitting up to look at you with wild eyes. "Do!!!"

You agree, easily, and she chirps and squeals happily, gobbling up everything on her plate. You squint and double back to something she said earlier. "Chatterbox?"

She looks at you, and laughs to herself. "Nothing, nothing, inside joke."

You want to push, but you've known her for an hour, so you think you should probably play it cool at least until your mutant comes out. 

You don't really know what to do besides talk, though. She'd grabbed your wrist when you came back with food and dragged you to the ablutions saying, '_It's been forever, Nubs Senior! Come on, come on!' _

So you did.

She sets the platter down on the tiles beyond the tub’s walls, and sinks deeper into the water, nose going under. She looks up at you, and you don't know what she's expecting, so you just smile.

Now you understand what Kanaya meant, when she said the group homes were only supervised. This troll popped out of her coon, fully functional and coherent, if a bit starved for attention and food. What's this going to be like? Are they just... people you live with?

Kanaya had literally said that, hadn't she.

You don't think you'd do this with any of your friends, though. Sit silently, just because they needed company, while they bathe and eat your food. You'd complain, talk their sponges wrung, and wander away eventually if they were emotionally stable. But you were kept here by some invisible, emotional force, that made you feel gooey inside- all hopeful, and proud, though who could fucking know about what.

"So, um. I'm Karkat, by the way," you say, feeling a bit past introduction.

She blinks at you, says something, then seems to realize you can't hear her when she's underwater, and surfaces just enough. "I'm Meenah."

Down she goes again.

"Cool. Um, I don't remember anything about when I was a wiggler, do you mind if I ask a few questions?"

She waves a hand in a go-ahead motion, and it makes a few waves. 

"Did you and... the other one, talk?"

She raises a brow, surfaces. "Duh. And he's got a name."

You raise both your brows at her, a bit sarcastically. "Well, may I know it?"

"Sure. It's Chatterbox." Sinks.

"That's a... lot of letters."

Surfaces. "So's... everything that comes outta his mouth." Sinks, looking like she ate something bad. She surfaces again just to say, "Remind me to think of a better burn."

You nod, but you will do no such thing. Your mutant had seemed rather sensitive.

She sighs and a bunch of bubbles rise up, from her mouth, her nose, and the gills lining her grubscars. She surfaces. "Listen, I really like having you here, you were super cool to make me this food, and I liked listening to you ramble when I was younger. I know you're probably bored as fuck, and I am, too, but I gotta soak my everyfin and you ain't a seadweller, so..."

"I'm okay with sitting here, anyway. If you just want the company."

She looks at you with no small amount of surprise, and you just smile, pull out your palmhusk and wave it a bit. She snorts and sinks, all the way down. 

You sigh, and open up Trollian, to spread the good news.  
  


It’s two days later.

Meenah likes to talk, which you don’t take to mean much with regards to how similar she might be to Feferi. You’d be eager to share your thoughts too, after perigees of having the sentience without any means to communicate it.

And honestly, after weeks of talking to yourself with few interactive breaks, you’re glad for the company. Really glad.

“I think I wanna go shopping tomorrow,” she mentions, a sixtieth non-sequitur to follow the last. “I know the clothes in the closet are temporary, since we have growing to do and all, but these rags just ain’t comfortable. Maybe it’s all my fish parts.”

“Alright,” you agree, even though you know ‘fish parts’ well enough to realize she’s just making an excuse. Then you pause, rethinking. “Well, uh. Actually, I’m not sure how good of an idea that is, just right now. I mean, your hatchmate is still in his cocoon, and without a lusus to watch him…”

Meenah snorts, looking at you like you’re being deliberately funny. “What, you think somethin’ might happen if we go?”

You wince, because really, the direction this conversation leads feels like something that should go down later, or at least when _both _of them are around to hear their sentences. “Well, no-“

“Then I can go myself, if you’re that worried about him,” Meenah says with an air of finality, like she’s just solved his dilemma and everyone’s square.

You fix her chubby face with an incredulous and extremely amused look, unable to wrangle your smile into anything more stoic. “How about I call a friend to escort you? Not tomorrow, but soon. It’s not dangerous, per se, but I’m responsible for you and I’m not willing to risk you falling down stairs you weren’t prepared for and dying prematurely.”

She’s looking at you funny now, and the way _she_ responds makes you feel like she’s just humoring you. “Sure, Karkat. Introduce me to one of your little buddies.”

The conversation ends there, and she moves on to asking about waterproof fashion, which you have enough answers and links about that you surprise even yourself. Eridan and Feferi should be proud.

But neither of them can accompany her out. So who the fuck can you trust?

Meenah’s been vibrating on the couch since sunset, between fits of pacing and kitchen parkour.

“Meenah, please don’t break anything,” you call after when she shoots off of the couch to burn energy again. You were trying to distract her with movies, but honestly, even you can’t focus on troll Kiera Knightley’s passionate performance.

“I’m stir-crazy!”

“I didn’t say stop, I just said be careful!”

She slams herself against the back of the couch, panting next to your ear. “Acshelly, you said ‘Meenah, please don-“

You push her away from your face and roll your eyes pointedly. “If you were listening, then you shouldn’t argue.”

“Karkat, what if it’s _developmentally_ im_port_ant for me to bust a few dishes? Y’know, so I understand conchequences?” She’s been picking up way too quickly on your role in the hive, as well as anything else she manages to expose herself to when she’s not set on annoying the shit out of you.

“If you keep testing me, I absolutely guarantee there will be consequences,” you threaten. And it’s not even a lie, you’re no stranger to seadweller entitlement, or button-pressing, or *anything* any of your friends have pulled over the last hundred sweeps. But it wouldn’t be as severe as your tone suggested, or your words if you bothered to detail them. You’re exceptionally fond of this little twerp.

She laughs, all too aware, and swings back and away from the couch again to run upstairs. You scrabble to your feet and chase her calling out, “Don’t you go messing with him!”

And she doesn’t really, ever, she taps on the thing and knocks on the thing and talks to the thing, but it’s really more of a game to her, to watch your blood pressure rise.

You see her standing in the doorway, eyes wide and grin gone, by the time you reach the top of the stairs. You walk up to her and peer in and-

It’s… stretching? You don’t think it’s supposed to do that.

The top of the coon, where your mutant is obviously trying to bust out, is bulging in off-beat rhythm. Stepping close you can hear something like wet smacking in time with the bulges. “Uh. Meenah, go grab a knife.”

You hear her hesitate, then run down the stairs.

You lean down over the coon, pressing your ear against the side of it, not where the bulge is coming from.

You hear an extended, high-pitched groan, and your blood chills. You look down at your claws, and start bringing them against the side of it, grimacing when they just dip in with a similar stretch, because the side is too soft. “Hey, uh, stop thumping if you can’t get out!”

The bulge depletes, and no more follow. The groan comes again.

You slam your palm against it. “Don’t worry dude, we’re gonna get you out!”

You hear rapid footsteps and hold your hand out towards the door for when Meenah comes barreling through with the biggest knife in the kitchen. “Lean away from my voice if you can!”

You slowly shove the blade in, trying to be careful and efficient in equal measure. As soon as you start pulling, sticky fluid comes pouring out. You try to make a wide hole, and it comes out extremely jagged, but the exit will do and can be fixed later.

More sticky fluid and eventually you hear a gasp from the inside.

“Hey! Hey, we’re getting you out, don’t worry,” you reassure him, and he sounds _rough_, wheezing and hiccupping with what you think might be sobs. How long was he struggling for? “Meenah, help me tug.”

She comes next to you, standing while you kneel, and digs her claws into the edge you’d created. You use the knife as a lever and together the two of you manage to pull the piece out, releasing a whole lot of sticky shit.

A hand scrabbles forward and you take it, offering your other arm. “Here, c’mon, you’re okay. C’mere.”

He grabs your other arm and tugs himself out, and god- he’s shaking a lot. And definitely crying. You help pull him into your arms and hold him, hug him. You can feel his fingers digging into your shoulders, and can see why he had so much trouble getting out pretty much instantly.

What doesn’t come to haunt you is what you would have done if Meenah hadn’t run up here.

Meenah has been so quiet this whole interaction that your instincts jump to tell you to extend an arm out towards her. Slowly, you feel her join your hug, layering herself on top of your charge, and you hug her.

You hug them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to make my stats LOOK like i update once a month, so here's a back to back update!!! woooo i havent read these two chapters in a good while i hope theyre ok!!! right now im on chapter 6, so we're catching up to my snails pace writing pretty quick >_> ;;


	5. I forgot that peace was too much to ask for; I forgot my people are born bloodthirsty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI AGAIN LOL ill probably disappear right after this update but whatever man i'm feeling the creative obligations again

Meenah is bouncing at the kitchen table, which isn’t really unusual so far as the past perigee has gone, but today she’s quiet. Her eyes keep darting for the door, and you can’t help but just smile and roll your eyes at her.

You’d managed to keep her hooked on delivery while Kankri got adjusted and caught up with the situation- your authority as their guardian, and his authority as a troll. But even you could tell Meenah was at her stir-crazy limit.

Before you can tease, Kankri pushes his plate forward, frowning at Meenah. “You can’t really be that excited. Stop that.”

Meenah hits him and he yelps.

“Meenah, don’t hit Kankri. We fight _fists_ with fists, and words with _words_.”

Meenah rolls her eyes. “Fine, hit me back.”

Kankri punches her shoulder, and she rolls her eyes back over to you and shrugs.

“Well, at least you’re honorable,” you sigh. “Are you sure you don’t want to go, Kankri?”

Kankri shakes his head resolutely, crossing his arms on the table.

“You’re missin’ out, geek,” Meenah tells him. There’s a loud banging on the front door, and Meenah shoots out of her seat to answer it.

You sigh, and start to follow, glancing back to see Kankri slowly stand up. The chances of anything getting close enough to endanger Meenah _and_ knock on the front door are slim, and besides- you recognize that bang.

“Oh, it’s small,” Terezi is already face-to-face with Meenah, looking her over with wide eyes. She sticks her hand out, grin sharp, and Meenah clasps it without question, getting a hearty shake. “Terezi Pyrope, adventurer and bounty hunter, here to sit on you.”

“I’m Meenah, and how the shell can I get rad loot like you’ve got?”

Terezi laughs, reaching back for her keycard. “Here, we’re going to go legally raiding.”

“Terezi, don’t-“

Meenah takes the card and screeches, jumping up and down. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

“No, hold on, we need structure and boundaries, and a budget! You can’t just go willy nilly-“

“C’mon, Karkles, she’s an heiress, she might as well get used to abundance.”

Meenah looks over at you with a slack jaw, then grins over at Terezi, then grins over at you. “What’m’I an _heir_ to, Karkles?”

You bring a hand up to your face and groan. “We haven’t had that talk yet, Rez…”

“That’s fine, I can have it with her. Oh, hey!” Terezi’s face lights up and she’s looking behind you. “Holy shit, he’s _adorable_!”

You turn and see Kankri looking like a caught fish, mouth wide as his eyes. Terezi walks past you and Meenah stomps her foot. “He doesn’t even _wanna_ go. I do! Let’s _goooo_.”

“You’re not the only heir in the hive, Meenah,” she says, holding a hand out to Kankri. Kankri looks at it and takes it, staring at her hand rather than her face. She shakes it, less heartily but still strongly, and pulls back. “What’s your name?”

He looks up at her and shrugs.

“It’s Kankri,” says Meenah, arms crossed and petulant. She was made to feel so special, and then she had to go and share it. Maybe Terezi was better suited for dealing with her than you thought. It only makes sense, seeing what you’d learned about her and Eridan not too long ago.

“Kankri,” Terezi says softly. “Rad. I’m excited to see what you’ll do.”

Kankri looks taken aback, maybe a little overwhelmed, and looks over at you with something that looks a lot like suspicion. You shrug, smiling tiredly. You give him the only reassurance you've got, “She’s my best friend.”

Terezi cackles and bowls over you with a hug, rubbing her fist against your ribs. “And I wuv you _too_, Karkles!”

She pushes you away and you flail a hand at her uselessly.

“C’mon, Meenah!”

Kankri speeds over to your side and tugs your sleeve like he didn’t already have your attention. “Can I go?”

You smile at him and look back at the kitchen, which still needs cleaning. “What about it, Rez? Think you can handle _two_ miniscule aristocrats?”

Terezi snorts. “Who do you think I am? No! But I’ll take him anyway.”

Kankri is a little sheepish about going to Meenah’s side, and Meenah lets him grab her free hand, which twists your pumper and makes you feel way too emotional than the situation calls for.

“Have fun, you two. And respect her, but don’t forget she’s hiveshit maggots. And don’t go crazy!”

Terezi sticks her tongue out at you and starts marching out. “C’mon, I’ll take you guys on your first jetpack ride!”

Meenah hoots and Kankri goes, “What?” and you’re pretty sure you’re going to collapse.

But you still have to put their dishes to wash.

Kanaya is a blessing in cashmere. She’s dressed like she’s ready to be buried, and you know that’s the underlying fixation with rainbowdrinkers that she never really outgrew. She’s laid back on the couch while you sit on the floor in front of the short table to sort through your inbox.

“That sounds immensely terrifying,” she says slowly, like she’s at a loss. You’ve just relayed what happened with Kankri, how he couldn’t break out of his own cocoon. “I’m surprised you didn’t call immediately after.”

“I was kind of busy bringing things down to something normal,” you say. “I didn’t really want to freak out with you when they were right in front of me, listening to everything I say.”

“Noble. I’m afraid I don’t really know how to respond. I’ve never heard of this problem, before. And you aren’t particularly freaking out right now, so I don’t know what you want me to say. Retrospectively, that’s very terrible, but it couldn’t have been predicted or avoided. The pair of them are doing fine, Terezi hasn’t sent an S.O.S. message…” Kanaya turns over onto her side to smile at you. “You’re doing really well.”

You smile back, unwilling to brag or self-deprecate. You delete another mass of spam mail.

“Could you prepare Meenah for a meeting with the Empress?”

You twist your mouth over to one side, considering Meenah’s temperament and trying to imagine her under the kind of biological stress that a meeting with Feferi would entail. “Deadline?”

“Uncertain. There have been some… problems, in space. Apparently Eridan really needs her help, but Feferi has spoken to me and said she doesn’t want to miss Meenah’s development.”

Your brow furrows and you’re a little upset that Eridan hasn’t said anything to you. “What kind of problems?”

“Fascist resistance. There was a mass genocide in one of the colonies. Obviously, Eridan isn’t in any danger, but they won’t listen to him or Feferi’s missives. He’s on the brink of wiping out what’s left of the colony, but Feferi wants to try one more time to convert them, and hopes that showing up in person will help.”

You’re… horrified. “That’s… how did it even get to that point, we haven’t incited a genocide in- I can’t remember the last time- I’m calling a meeting.”

“Noooo,” she moans, rolling back onto her back. “It’s okay, Karkat. You don’t need to worry about it, we’re handling it. You should focus on your duties.”

“It doesn’t sound very fucking handled, Kanaya. And I don’t- Eridan shouldn’t have to wipe out a whole colony?”

“It’s just the remainder. Highbloods.”

“Warmbloods always persist,” you say with full certainty. “If there’s still trolls out there, then some of the warmbloods made it out. They’re probably hiding, and if Eridan’s been pushing peace as loudly and strongly as he’s supposed to, they’re probably waiting for help.”

Kanaya sighs, then sighs again, then gets up to sit by you, leaning on your shoulder. You have the Council chat open, the one where trolling is strictly prohibited save for an emergency, and she slaps your hands away to hit your escape button. “It’s not that urgent, and besides, Terezi is out with the heir and the mutant, remember?”

“How is this not urgent?!”

Kanaya shoots you a tired glare. “You did not see the missives. I am not concerned if Eridan wipes out the rest of that colony. If there are warmbloods in hiding, as you say, then we should absolutely send resources and backup, but nothing is going to happen until Feferi leaves, anyway.”

Your face scrunches up with the unsummoned images that flash through your pan. “How brutal was it?”

“Extremely.”

You take a deep breath. “Alright. I’ll dial it down.”

You send a quick message to Sollux asking him to patch you through to Eridan and Feferi. He asks for a minute, and sets up the call, leaving you alone- thankfully with no dialing tone.

Eridan’s face pops up first. He’s still in uniform, and the camera is close to his face (angled down, what an egoist.) He smiles at the sight of you, and the sight of his toothy grin makes the edge of your worry soften. “Hey, Kar. This is a nice surprise.”

“Hey, idiot. It wouldn’t have been, if you actually talked to me more.”

“That’s hilarious,” Kanaya says, and Eridan’s smile sours into something more smugly amused. “Someone actually wants you to open your trap, and you don’t take the opportunity?”

“Kan, shut up. Kar, push her out of frame.”

“I’m not gonna do that.”

“Kar, _please_ push her out of frame.”

“No.”

“_Kar._”

“We’re calling about the genocide, bulge-kiss,” you say, eyebrows raised and expression unamused. “Feferi should be on the line soon.”

Eridan looks sick for half a frame and then he’s all stoic and confident. “Kar, you got more pressin’ matters to be tendin’ to. Your replacement, he tried his best to try to settle shit, he was pretty much as good as you are. This was goin’ to happen whether or not you were involved.”

“I refuse to believe that, but I know I can’t spend time regretting shit. I want to help avoid you another bloodbath.”

Feferi’s face pops up, and she’s clearly laying down in her respiteblock, hair flowing out around her. She looks concerned.

“Hi…? Is this about Meenah?”

You shake your head, then pause. “Um. I can- you can meet her. Eventually. This is about your trip. And the genocide.”

Feferi pouts. “Who told you?”

Kanaya raises her hand. “To be fair, he brought up the possibility of warmbloods hiding away. I agreed that it’d be important to look out for.”

Feferi sighs and sit up. “Okay, noted. Is that all?”

“I want to come with you. I can leave the kids with Tez, or Gamzee, but I’m not letting you and Eridan go against these fuckers without backup.” You can feel it, that rash impulsiveness in your veins, pushing you to act beyond your reason, to protect your friends, to amend mistakes that should never have been made- and you know what Eridan’s about to say.

“Kar, slow down,” Eridan says. “Gills, mind payin’ your attentions elsewhere?”

Feferi raises an eyebrow, and you can feel your protectiveness curdle into deep humiliation. Kanaya ruffles your hair and stands up, going for your kitchen. “I’m thirsty.”

Feferi doesn’t move an inch, and Eridan continues anyway, not the least perturbed. “Come on, bro, what’s the problem? You know my work ain’t all peacetime and tea parties; shore it’s been a bit since somefin this massive blew up in my face, but I ain’t… I can handle it, Kar.”

He’s trying too hard. All the puns, the tiny smile, the way he’s looking up at you. You fall for it. “Dude, it’s not that I don’t think you’re good at what you do, or that you can’t handle what you’ve been working at for sweeps upon sweeps. I just… I don’t like not knowing these things. I don’t like that you’re so far away, and that you- I know you have a moirail now, but she’s not _there. _How do you unwind? How do you keep going, and how do you come back? It has never been so bad that Feferi had to get shipped out Express Empress-style, and frankly, if my substitution wasn’t good enough to get some kind of empathy in their thick genocidal stainless-steel thinkpans, seeing the goddamn Empress Herself spewing the exact shit they don’t want to hear isn’t going to do anything but aggravate them! Kanaya was right all along, Meenah and Kankri are developing at unbelievable speeds, they’re not independent yet, terrors no, but they can- can process change, they can process gravity, they’re- I trust them to be alright for as long as this will take. And if it really is as bad as you all keep saying it is, it won’t take long at all.”

Eridan looks tired. He sighs and shrugs. “Give him the last one, I’m convinced.”

Feferi’s face hasn’t looked very warm for this call, and it certainly doesn’t now. “Are they upstairs?”

You shake your head. “Terezi took them out for some socialization.”

Kanaya speaks up from behind you- above you- and settles down against you. “I unloaded the dishes. I do not think it’s necessary to flaunt the bloodshed. I think Karkat is going to be stubborn in spite of it, and it will only make his attempt harder. Just let him go.”

Feferi opens her mouth, then shuts it, seeming to fall into her thoughts. She snaps back into the present, fixing the camera with a stern look. “In your professional opinion, this would not be a major neglect of custodian duties?”

Kanaya tilts her head, purses her lips. “Ordinarily… No. Trolls these days are raised, as you know, among their bloodkind, in groups supervised by an adult troll. So long as there was plumbing, water, food, the custodian would be within their rights to abscond for a week or so without legal repercussion. Really, as much preparation as they do, as long as the trolls continue to thrive, the custodian could be as absent as they wanted. It was your personal request for Karkat to become their emotional support alongside being their guardian, that makes this… difficult to judge. The mutant has only just pupated, but it seems like Meenah is already well-accustomed to Karkat.”

You poke her bicep and say, “His name is Kankri.”

Kanaya smiles at you. “Yes, but they didn’t know that.”

“Just telling you to mention it.”

Her smile at you is a bit strange, you think, because you weren’t being aggressive, and you weren’t upset, you just wanted to say his name rather than call him ‘the mutant.’ But now you’re a little self-conscious. You’ll have to examine that.

“My professional opinion is that, yes. It is too soon. Because there are only two of them, because Kankri was only pupated last week, and because your orders were for Karkat to make them feel loved, and prioritized.” You wait for the other shoe to drop, for a ‘but’ that justifies your suggestion- demand, really- but she just looks down at the table, expression resigned. She shrugs. “But ordinarily. No.”

“Then he’s not going. And that’s final. Arguments, Karkat?” She’s using her Empress voice, which annoys the crap out of you.

“Do you believe your arrival with solve anything? Or are you just wasting your own time, on a half-assed gesture of hope?” You realize you’re kind of toeing the line with how you’re talking to her- not because she’s the Empress and could kill you without consequence if she decided to, but because she’s your friend, and you’re starting to talk to her like she’s an idiot ambassador.

“The- I admit, I don’t-“ Feferi takes a deep breath and switches her focus. “Eridan!”

“Wh-what?” Eridan seems to know she wants something from him, but he’s floundering to figure out what it is. So, business as usual. “Uh- Yeah, she… It’s, you know, highbloods. They wanna see her.”

“Eridan, shut up, I love you, shut up,” you advise him. He looks constipated. “Feferi. Wouldn’t it be better to stack all your roe in the same ship and raise the odds on avoiding more bloodshed?”

Feferi looks upset. Good.

“C’mon, did you tell them when you’d be there? We can probably get away with waiting a couple of weeks, getting the kids settled in with Gamzee, maybe getting you a chance to see Meenah, like you wanted to. We put together a game plan, I work with my guys out there to start negotiations, we send supply surplus with the intent of making them laughably easy to steal. Then we go together, whenever you’re ready.”

She looks _really_ upset. You don’t shy away from her disgruntled scowl, but Eridan looks like he’s about to die, because he’s been whipped since he met her. “Fef, he, I mean… I already said I was convinced, but, you don’t-“

Kanaya reaches forward and hangs up on Eridan, disconnecting him from the call. It’s kind of fucked up that that’s something she can do, but you guess Sollux can just keep patching the same dude in. It’s a wonder you haven’t abused that power. Almost immediately, you start getting text notifications. “It’s been awhile since Karkat had to argue with any of us over something that actually mattered.”

Feferi still hasn’t said anything, and she looks no closer to agreeing, but her lack of argument kind of implies that you’ve won her over. She’s just not happy about it.

“C’mon, it’s _Gamzee_. You like Gamzee,” you remind her. She’s got something pretty red with him, if still currently unlabeled. It chafes on Gamzee’s chitin, him being as traditional as he is, but you also know he can’t all and completely commit to her. Nor she him. “He can totally watch the kids for like a week. Or two weeks. It won’t take that long in either direction, you know how good I am when I’m _good_, and you know how deadly we are when we try.”

“Shut up, Karkat.” Feferi’s voice comes out strained, and upset. “I’m not. Arguing anymore. I’m done. And I just. Can’t talk to you right now without saying something mean. So goodbye. And schedule a videocall with Sollux, for us to plan.”

She hangs up, and you’re alone with Kanaya again.

She hugs you, from the side, briefly and sweetly, then goes back over to the couch. “Nice work. Now, what was that movie you were telling me about, the one with that actor Eridan got his _inspired_ hair styled after a few sweeps ago?”

You smile, take half a second to let the tension out of your body, and go to turn on the entertainment cube. “You’re gonna love it. It’s got a _horrible_ quadrant vacillation in the middle where a troll has to go ashen for their kismesis and _his_ new kismesis. It’s so fucked up.”

“Sounds rant-worthy,” she comments, but you know she’s just as fond of talking trash about these movies as you are.

“You might want to scrub your pan clean with a better movie after this.”

“Well,” Kanaya muses, and you watch her closely as you go over to sit with her, grabbing your husktop on the way so you can try to make a dent in your stalled workload. “I could stay for a meal. Meet the kids.”

You feel yourself warm up at the thought, for a reason unknown to you, so you readily agree, just a casual, “Sure, of course!”


	6. LEAKED: HEIRESS PUPATION TAPE?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lord help me this is the last chapter i have written and i want to be working on ten million projects at the same time. anyway. a villain is introduced :(

Kanaya is still around by the time Terezi busts her way into your hive. Terezi doesn’t… look really as jazzed as she was when she left the hive with your charges several hours ago, but the kids look alright, so you’re willing to ignore it, for now.

Maybe she’s just tired?

“Your charges, Sourscream,” Terezi announces, once you’ve opened the door to her insistent banging, bowing low to Kankri and Meenah who are loaded with bags. Kankri looks tired, but not overly upset, whereas Meenah looks pouty.

You wave them all in. “Welcome back, guys. How’d it go?”

“I need to go back,” Meenah says immediately, just dropping her bags on the floor. “There were all kinds of stuff I still needed, but I couldn’t carry it all in one trip! I need a wagon next time.”

“Good luck negotiating for that one, urchin,” Terezi quips.

Meenah groans and sticks her tongue out at Terezi, stomping upstairs. “I’m tired!”

You sigh and raise your voice to keep up with her progress upstairs. “You left your stuff on the floor, Meenah!”

“Die mad about it!” she screeches, and you look over at Terezi, who does _not_ look innocent.

“She might have heard me say that on a call. Which, I need to tell you about, whenever you’re free,” Terezi speaks casually, almost glib, and it’s only the fact that she’s not telling you immediately that helps you grasp its importance. She’s minding your company.

“Okay, uh. Why don’t you and- wait, hey, do you wanna stay for dinner? Kanaya’s staying.”

Terezi looks exhausted, suddenly, but Kankri’s reaction is louder. He stiffens up, looking around. “Who’s _Kanaya_? You d- Did y-“

You raise your hands placatingly. “Woah, hey, it’s okay. She’s another friend of mine, like Terezi but cooler. She’s helping me make food, she’s over in the nutrition block if you- the kitchen, if you want to go meet her. Or you can go take your stuff up to your block, and we can have our introductions in a bit? I can come grab you guys when the food is ready.”

Kankri looks torn, but you know he doesn’t want to meet Kanaya alone. He shifts his bags up, and starts walking upstairs.

“C’mon,” you lead Terezi over to the nutrition block, where Kanaya has just finished poking at the meat dish in the convectional cooker. She stands up at smiles at Terezi, waving slightly.

“Hi, Kanaya. Guys, I- There’s a problem.” Terezi comes to lean on the island platform, hanging her head down to her folded hands, hunched over. “Aradia called me, while I was out with them.”

Neither you or Kanaya respond, yet, aware that this is a minefield of a subject, and that Terezi has more she needs to say before she can be interrupted.

But holy shit. You hope she reached out to Sollux too, he’s been _such _a grade A bulge barnacle. And maybe Feferi would have loved to hear from her, after you raked her over the coals.

“She wanted me to give her Meenah,” Terezi whispers. Your blood chills. “She… was being an asshole, like usual. Didn’t want to tell me why, or what she was going to do, but. I can read her. I think she wants to kill Meenah.”

You’re speechless. First the genocide, now this? If Meenah is in direct danger, there’s no _way_ you can leave her, not for _any_ length, you couldn’t take the chance.

“That is… deeply troubling,” Kanaya states the obvious. “I don’t think she can possibly be aware of where Meenah is being held, though, unless Sollux has informed her.”

“I haven’t…” Terezi drops her head to the counter. “I haven’t told him.”

Kanaya has her palmhusk out instantly, and both you and Terezi receive a notification from the emergency line.

grimAuxilliatrix kicked apocalypseArisen from the memo!  
  


GA: Aradia Has Threatened The Safety Of Feferis Heir. She Should Be Removed From Our Confidential Chats, And We Should Figure Out What She Knows  
GA: Karkat, Terezi, And I Are Going To Have Nice Meal To End The Night  
GA: The Charges Are Being Watched Over  
GA: Stay Alert

TA: hold the fuck up.  
TA: you don’t get two abu2e cliient power2 wiithout expre22 authoriity. where’2 your proof? 2iince when do we ju2t completely cut off and criimiinaliize one of our own? ii know you guy2 don’t really get along wiith AA, but 2he ii2 a2 iinve2ted iin the growth and development of the heiire22 a2 FF ha2 been. 2he miight not have been happy wiith FF’2 choiice2, but 2he cared.

GA: We Will Brief You All Later  
GA: I Have Food In The Convectional Cooker

“Don’t worry about him,” Terezi pipes up, typing quickly on her palmhusk. “He’s not going to be happy about it, but I’ll convince him.”

You’re still focused on something Sollux said. That Aradia is as invested in Meenah’s growth as Feferi. You remember Sollux’s story, the fake one about Aradia liking gross things, and then the ‘real’ one, about Feferi wanting to experience her descendant’s wriggling day.

Did he… lie? In a reacharound, weird kind of way? Terrors curdle your blood, because it’d feel better than the disgust and horror rolling in your stomach.

You can barely process that Aradia has turned, though a sick part of you expected it all along, with how little she gave a fuck about the present day. But the thought of her having access to such- To Meenah’s…

You think you’re going to be sick.

“Can you…” Oh, god, and you sound. Horrible. Constipated and enraged all at once. You can practically feel puberty clawing its way forward in time to catch up with you. You clear your throat, and try to sound calm. “Can you ask him if he sent my video to Aradia.”

It doesn’t lilt like a question. Terezi looks at you for a moment, like she’s debating on asking for details, but then her eyes drop back down to her palmhusk. “Okay.”

Meanwhile, Kanaya has stayed faithful to her messages, and is sitting on the floor, watching the food in the cooker broil. You sit down next to her, stare at the same sight.

“What’s the video?”

“Meenah pupating,” you say blandly. “He told me it was for Feferi. But not before telling me it was for Aradia. I don’t know which one is true anymore.”

“Both,” answers Terezi, and you… Well, you feel like garbage. He kept true to his word, and gave you your tape back. But now you definitely think he made at least two copies. How do you apologize to Meenah? You should have fucking asked her. This is disgusting and horrible and-

“He also says he didn’t make any copies, and if you ever find out otherwise, he will offer his neck to you to do with as you wish,” Terezi reports. And that’s… slightly better, but you feel less ill. “Actually, he didn’t say ‘as you wish’ he said you could chew his head off, but I think he’s open to substitutions.”

You think you’re going to die if you don’t apologize to Meenah right the fuck now. You think your pumper is going to wither in your chest if you have to sit with your friends, and your kids, and act like you haven’t failed them as a guardian.

You scrabble up, mindful of not hitting Kanaya, and with a voice like you’re about to vomit you say, “I’ll be back.”

You grab the bags she left, on your way up the stairs. You can hear Kankri talking- at length, actually, which is something you haven’t heard before, and that’s how you know which respiteblock they’re in. They still tend to stick together, but they’ve each claimed a block as their own, Meenah with the coons, and Kankri in the one without. You get the feeling he doesn’t like the coons.

You push your way into the door, knocking with your horn as you do so, and silencing Kankri in the process. Meenah is laying on his bed, arms laid out, and Kankri is standing in the middle of the block, now pulling his collar up over his face with angry eyes.

“Sorry, sorry, I would have given you a better knock, but I really have to talk to Meenah,” you say.

Meenah sits up, looking a little apprehensive, which is also unusual for her. “Am I really in trouble?”

You jerk back. “What? No. Not with me, what did you do?”

You ask the question with a little smile, because while you absolutely don’t doubt that she caused some trouble on her day out, you also aren’t worried about chastising her. She’s not malicious, just kind of an asshole.

“Ugh!” She falls back onto the bed. “You tricked me, Kankri!”

“You deserve it,” he says through his shirt collar. He looks at you. “Can I snitch?”

You tilt your head. “How bad is it, really? Did she hurt anyone?”

“Feelings count, so yes,” he says, eyes rolling back like he’s trying to remember the clause that justifies his claim. Oh fuck, you recognize that look. And that particular description of that look. _Terezi_ makes that look. Has he really become so attached to her so quickly? “Terezi was telling us about the caste system, because people were being kind of weird, and she explains how people develop prejudices based on who they think is on top, which was- anyway. Meenah just started asking where different people were on the caste, which Terezi rightfully refused to answer because it would have only continued to establish that prejudice by normalizing it in our premolted thinkpans. But then she asked where _she_ was, and Terezi said it was a good segue to talking about the heir stuff-“

“I’M GONNA GLUB,” Meenah screeches. “Apparently it’s glubbin’ rude to go tellin’ your fellow heir- AS A JOKE- that you’re better than him over blood. Which I didn’t even say! I just kinda-“

“She called _both_ Terezi and I slowbloods,” Kankri announces. He doesn’t seem all that hurt, though. He just wanted to snitch, you can tell. Which you never really forbade him from doing, but Meenah and him heard it in a movie and kept saying it to each other even when you clearly saw what they were trying to keep secret. “Though, I still think you need more context if you’re going to measure out an appropriate punishment.”

Holy shit has he come out of his shell. You wonder what Terezi told him that got him speaking all confidently around his face-covering and agitated body language.

“Well, I could always ask Terezi to give me a full transcript of every thing you both did tonight. That’d peel a ganderbulb, I’m sure,” you muse. They both immediately erupt into refusals and backtracking, and you chuckle at it helplessly. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do that. She’d probably embellish. But Meenah, you’re not going to say anything like that again, right? Because Kankri’s on point about it being fucked up.”

She shakes her head. “Terezi gave me a glubbin’ finful, too.”

“But do you understand that it’s fucked up? Am I gonna hear Kankri telling me that you called him a slur again?”

It’s not really a slur, but in your hive? It might as well be.

“I understand that it really upset Terezi,” she says honestly. “I don’t actually think Kankri’s feelings got hurt, I think he just wants to get me in trouble.”

“That’s not true, my feelings _were_ hurt,” Kankri insists.

“You don’t _have_ feelings!” Meenah yells.

“Alright,” you say loudly, holding an arm out. “Meenah, I need to talk to you. Kankri, I’ll talk to you in a minute. Let’s go, Meenah.”

She pulls herself off the bed, and as she walks by Kankri, she holds out her arm. He slaps her forearm, and she kicks his shin with the back of her heel. It must not be very hard though, because he doesn’t even grimace.

You get her into her respiteblock. drop off her bags on the floor in front of her closet.

She jumps onto her bed, arms crossed. “Are you mad at me?”

You jerk again, because you can’t- she sounds genuinely upset at the thought of it, and you can’t have that.

“Of course not, Meenah. I could never be mad at you, either of you. You’d have to do some _really_ fucked up shit for me to judge you. I think you’re an asshole, but all of my best friends are assholes. My matesprit is an asshole. And I love you.”

Meenah sniffs, not because she’s crying, but kind of derisively. “You don’t even know me. I don’t even know me, yet. What do you love?”

She might be fishing for compliments, but you answer honestly. “I know. And I can’t wait to watch you grow into yourself. But I decided the moment I knew you hatched in the caverns that I’d love you. It’s a choice I’m making.”

Meenah’s mouth twists to the side, but she drops her arms to her sides and starts kicking her legs. “What’d you want to talk about?”

You sigh loudly. “Can I sit next to you? Actually, nevermind, you might not want to after I’ve told you. Fuck. Um, so I made a mistake. Do you remember that video I took of you when you burst from your coon?”

She nodded. “You said it was for, uh. Posterior?”

“Posterity. But, um, kind of the opposite also. I mentioned Feferi?”

“My ancestor. Yeah.”

“Well, um…” You want to tell her every detail, but Feferi barely meant a thing to her then, and the same can be said of now. You know it would cushion your error, but maybe it’s better not to. “That video got shown to someone that is… not a friend, anymore. We thought she was, but she’s not. And I’ll have to show you pictures of her, so you know, because I’m _serious_, she… is dangerous. To you. But I- I will never share something of yours with anyone you don’t know and ardently approve of, ever again. And I will _not_ let Aradia hurt you.”

You don’t know how well that came out. Meenah seems to absorb it, brows furrowing, lip jutting out in a pout. But she’s just thinking.

“That ain’t great,” she says, at length. You sigh through your nose. “Is this about the heir thing? Is someone mad that I’m gonna be Empress?”

“I’m not really sure,” you say. “She’s fucking insane, and she has been for as long as I’ve known her. She’s never really cared about caste bullshit, so I don’t get why she’s so torn up about you. We thought she was warming up to the thought of the future, of things changing. We were wrong, and I’m sorry for every instant you’re at risk because I chose to look her over.”

Meenah is silent again, thinking again. “And you think I should be mad at you?”

“I would be. I think. It’s fucked up. I shouldn’t have… let it happen.”

Meenah shrugs. “I ain’t pressed about the video thing. Kinda weird, I guess. I’m more upset that she wants to krill me, than that she saw me covered in slime. And it ain’t your fault that she hates me.”

She’s got a point there, but you still feel awful. “It was a breach of your privacy, for the sake of people you’ve never even met. That should never have been something I convinced you to let me do.”

“Karcrab, you didn’t convince me of shit,” she says, looking at you with an expression you haven’t seen from her before. You can’t begin to describe it, but there’s definitely a feeling of concern emanating from her. “I didn’t _care_. I still don’t. Whatever, a couple of trolls I don’t know saw me get hatched.”

“Pupate,” you correct her quietly.

“Saw me pupate, _water-ver._ It wasn’t streamed on everyone’s husktech, you were sharing it with your friends. I like Terezi.”

“You haven’t met Feferi. Or Sollux, or Aradia for that matter, and they’re the ones who saw it. They’re not really like Terezi.”

“Okay then, show me to all your friends who don’t hate me! I don’t give an exaggerated glub, Karkat, I’m just- Does she want me dead? Is- I remember being really- Is she going to kill me?” Meenah’s eyes are watering now, but she doesn’t crumple into tears.

You step towards her, and she doesn’t seem against it, so you come to sit next to her, and she folds herself into your side. “Hey, look, I won’t ever let her hurt you. She… She _is_ dangerous, but so am I. So are the rest of us, and the rest of us _do _care. Terezi and I? We’ve kicked so much ass together, you couldn’t fill an ocean with all that shit. Aradia couldn’t get past us if she hijacked an imperial ship.”

Meenah rubs her face in your shirt, and you know she’s just wiping off her tears and snot, but you don’t really mind it. You sit together a bit, and you think maybe you put a lot on her in one sitting. Was this selfish? Did you do this right? Are you _doing_ this right?

“I don’t ever want to keep anything from you, especially nothing that has to _do_ with you. But I also don’t want you to feel like you don’t have any privacy, just because I’ve got my aural sponge to the counter, trying to make sure I know what’s going on so I can make sure you guys are alright. I want you to know that you can enforce boundaries with me.”

“Okay,” she says. “Good talk. Thanks.”

You snort, and pull her closer for a hug. “Yeah. Good talk. You know you can choose to be okay with me now, and retroactively get mad later?”

“Cool. We’ll see, then.”

“But we’re cool right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Awesome.” You pull away slowly and get up. She only pulls at you so she can rub her nose on your shirt one last time, and then lets you step away. “I need to go talk to Kankri real quick, but how are you feeling about eating with Terezi and another friend of mine? I don’t think you got to see her on your way in.”

“I think I’m alright. Is Kankri in danger if I’m in danger?”

“Neither of you… I won’t let anything happen to either of you. It’s up to you if you want to talk about this as a group, or just with him, or not at all,” you reiterate. “If it ever directly affects him, then we have to open up the discussion, but right now it’s your business.”

She nods and gets up. “I’m gonna put my carp away.”

“Alright.”

And you leave her to it. That’s probably the only time she’s ever going to do her chores without being told.

You go back into the other room, and Kankri is poised on the edge of his bed, hands folded on his lap. He’s absolutely ready for you.

You are not ready for him.

You close the door behind you and let out a long breath. “Hey.”

“Did you want to talk about the heir thing? Because frankly, I found Terezi’s explanation slightly insufficient on that subject,” Kankri starts. Immediately after saying that, he pulls his collar over his mouth again, but continues, “I’m also confused about my descendancy. Meenah has Feferi Peixes as an ancestor; they share blood and visage, and name, and sign. Terezi said you’re my ancestor. And we look the same. But we aren’t, are we? Not in blood. And I don’t have a sign yet, and part of me thinks I don’t even have one, because of all the colors I saw on the custom embroidery pamphlet, bright red like mine wasn’t one of them.”

You take a deep breath. Hold it for a second. Let it go. Point to the chair in front of his desk, which has a brand new husktop on it. “May I sit?”

He nods once.

You sit.

You fold your hands. “So. You’ve been learning a lot, really fast, ever since you pupated. It’s amazing. Night one you barely even looked at me, and today you’re hitting me with some hard-hitting questions. You’re definitely growing into someone I’m going to be fucking terrified of, because I hate looking at myself, and you’re- wait, shit, that’s. Not what I meant. I don’t think you’re- Just because we look alike, doesn’t mean I have any opinions of how you look that are, biased or negative, at least I don’t think so. I just love you, you know? That was bad, I should have written something down. This was impromptu. I just felt like I owed you some honesty, since I was over there confessing shit to Meenah, and I’ve been keeping a pretty huge secret from you, too.”

Kankri doesn’t look happy about this revelation. That’s understandable. You power forward. “You’re… As far as we know, you’re the only troll on Beforus with bright red blood. Which I think is amazing, as much as it is terrifying. I don’t think it’s fair to put any pressure on you, but… You’re a big deal, and you’re going to grow into an even bigger deal, the older you get, and the more publicized your choices get. I’m more than willing to help you stay lowkey, I don’t want to force you to take up a task you don’t _want_ to, but I know Terezi and a bunch of my friends have a lot of faith in you becoming… a bridge builder. Living proof that blood is… as relevant as the season we hatch in.”

Kankri is still quiet. He’s not looking at you anymore, and his collar is over his nose now.

“I can stop… talking, if you want. I don’t have to go over all of this right now, we can… wait. Until you feel better about this part.”

Kankri shakes his head, but says nothing.

“… Okay.” You take another deep breath. “You don’t have a sign. You don’t have a name. But you can… You have choices. You can choose not to have one, either of them, you can take- I consider you… I look at you, and I love you, and it would be… a great honor, to me, if you wanted to share mine. If you wanted to… call me your ancestor, or if you just… You don’t have to. You can make your own! Choose your own, make your own, it’s… It can be important, it _is_ important, to a lot of trolls. But it’s… technically arbitrary. Descendants don’t… They’re not clones of their ancestors. Signs aren’t… necessary to your happiness or survival. Not with me around, because the moment someone even thinks about hurting you because you’re different, I’ll have my sickles on them, if not in them. Sorry for the violent imagery.”

Kankri maintains his silence, and this is something you’re more familiar with, but it chafes at you. The spark that he had earlier, the confidence to contest you, to confront you, it’s gone, now, snuffed out by whatever he read into what you said.

He doesn’t interact with you as easily as he does with Meenah, and you’ve tried not to read into it. It’s hard not to.

Guilt eats at you, digs its fangs in and _gnaws_. “There’s no time limit on deciding. And you’re allowed to change your mind. And I totally get it, if you’re mad at me for not telling you sooner, or if you…blame me. I blame myself, for putting you in this position. It sucks, I think, but _you_ don’t suck, you know?”

Kankri still hasn’t said shit, and normally by this point you’d be getting pissed off, but you _can’t_. “Do you want me to go? Do you want me to bring you food, are you still going to eat with us?”

Kankri shrugs, still looking away.

You sigh. “I haven’t told Meenah any of this. And I don’t have to. I won’t. Wouldn’t. You can tell her anything you like, but your business is your business. I don’t want to speak over you, because this is _your_ life, and you get to define it. Nothing else, no one else.”

You _think_ that got through to him a little, because his shoulders drop a little. But he still doesn’t respond.

“I’m gonna go. If you want, you can let Meenah know if you’re eating with us. Otherwise I’ll just come up and let you know when the food’s ready. You don’t have to meet Kanaya right now if you don’t want to.”

You start to leave, and he doesn’t pipe up, so you make it out of his block and down the stairs with only some hesitation. By the time you’re back with Terezi and Kanaya, they’re engaged in a completely different conversation, and the tension has completely aired out.

“He responds to roughness kinda weirdly, is the thing, so I think cutting him deep has to come with a degree of… falsified regret? Falsified reticence? He’s too used to Karkat vacillating on him to actually draw any personal boundaries on quadrant interactions, so you could probably tease some pale affections while you shred his skin.”

“Aren’t you his moirail?” Kanaya asks, and you cross your arms, looking at Terezi accusatorily since she’s trying to act like you’re the only one who can’t keep his quadrants straight.

Terezi shrugs. “I don’t _hurt_ him. I just tease! I’m a tease, that’s my personality, it’s not a quadrant-specific interaction.”

“That wasn’t what… Nevermind, Terezi,” you say. “Help me figure out the table.”

Terezi helps you buffer by going up to tell the kids the food is ready. Kanaya is sitting across from you, thinking that your kids would want to sit next to you, rather than next to her, but your guess is Meenah and Kankri will want to cozy up to Terezi. Because doesn’t everyone?

Terezi comes back with Kankri just behind her and Meenah two feet ahead. She drops herself down to your left and immediately starts grabbing for food, paying Kanaya no mind.

While she starts stacking her plate, Terezi and Kankri settle themselves down- Terezi next to you, Kankri fidgeting next to the seat next to Kanaya.

Kanaya smiles at him and holds out a finely-manicured hand. “Hello. I’m Kanaya Maryam. I oversaw your clutch personally this past spring. How has your life been so far?”

Kankri starts to take her hand, but hesitates. She pulls it back slowly to herself, still smiling. “To be honest, I don’t like touching trolls I don’t know. Do you feel the same?”

Kankri nods, and sits down next to her. Kanaya does not continue to pester him, and instead turns her attention to Meenah. “And you’re Meenah?”

Meenah nods, and her mouth is already full, but she talks around it. “Yer Krb’sh ittle front?”

You start to translate, but Kanaya holds her hand up with a dry smile. “Yes, I’m his little friend. Or, more accurately, he’s my little friend.”

Meenah swallows, with effort, then folds her hand on the table all business-like. “Water you up and knowing about this beach who wants me dead?”

Kanaya’s eyes widen and she looks at you, and you look away, grabbing at food. “Okay, Meenah, I know I said this was totally your business to share, but I’m not really sure this is the time for it.”

“But when is?” asks Kankri, and… this is a coordinated assault. Alright.

“She’s my ex,” Terezi says with an exaggerated grimace. “I mean, she doesn’t know that yet, buuuut. Here lemme show you some pictures of her.”

Terezi pulls some up and passes her palmhusk around. Meenah nods with understanding once she sees Aradia. “That gold is dope. I get it.”

“Yeah, her piercings are super rad,” Terezi says sadly. “I tell you what, I have compiled the _most_ inclusive dating advice, don’t go to Karkat for romance bullshit, come to me. I’ll give you that practical know-how.”

You snort, pointing at her accusatorily, not even stopping to consider that your charges have no interest in romance at all, yet or potentially ever. “What the hell have you learned that I don’t already know?”

“You should pick your kismesis because you actually think you can change them, not because you think it’s impossible,” she replies quick as a dart. And it’s… not a bad bit of advice. “Challenge, not delusion.”

Kanaya hums attentively. Then abruptly changes the subject, “Anyway, Meenah. Are you interested in meeting your ancestor? She’s not as violent or scary as she seems, at times.”

“What a review!” Meenah jokes.

“She’s legitimately a very cool fish,” you say. “She likes pets. The circus. Buying lots of things that she doesn’t need, and giving them away as gifts when the mood strikes her.”

Yeah, that’s a trap. Meenah very obviously likes _things_.

“Don’t tell them about her fighting prowess, that’d probably scare them,” Terezi says. “I’d be shaking in my crocs if you told me she could launch her bi-trident a hundred and fifty meters.”

“I don’t know how far that is,” Meenah says, but her curiosity is piqued. “Do you have any videos?”

“Oh, there’s plenty of videos of Feferi floating around,” Kanaya pulls out her palmhusk and starts tapping away at it. “Let’s see what we can find, shall we?”

Dinner is eaten while you all watch viral videos of Feferi being Feferi: participating in sports events as a joke, doing stand-up with the circus crowd, cuddling with lusus naturae, winning an eating contest…

“That’s just gross,” Kankri says at Feferi’s sauce-covered mug. Her teeth aren’t too pearly yellow by this point either.

The rest of you laugh.

It’s a great dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I!!!!! HATE!!!! FORMATTING!!!!!!! PESTERLOGS!!!!!!!!


	7. Dividing attention leads to missed details.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres a brief suicide joke in karkat's conversation with sollux. otherwise, i don't think there's anything that needs too much warning! he's still freaking out about eridan.

"I can't decide if I should be smug or brine-ing with crustacean, Crabcake."

"Whichever you want, your Magnanimosity," you offer glibly, not even teasing her for the reach of her puns. Feferi is sitting at her desk, watching you through her husktop while you pretty up for the day. Only because Eridan sent you some expensive fucking anti-flaking cream for your horns, and though you hardly need it, you like that he’s thinking of you lightyears out in the ever-expanding vacuum of space. "You were right, and I'm sorry I'm abandoning my station."

"But now I'm conch-vinced we need you there," she complains. "You were right, I _would_ trust Gamsea and his church to kelp keep the kids safe while we're gone."

"I told them I would protect them. I promised.” You shake your head with a shrug. “There’s no helping it, I’m sorry.”

“Water-boat Eridan?”

You slap the container against the counter, shooting her a glare. She doesn’t flinch. You sigh. “I’m not his moirail. If you think he needs a quadrant there, enlist Terezi.”

“You know that’s not an option. She’s- Aradia…”

“Yeah. I know. But Aradia’s my problem, too. If she comes after my kids, I want to be there.”

Feferi sighs, and it’s a big and dramatic sigh, and her cheeks puff out to pucker her pouty lips, and you _get_ it. She’s upset. She doesn't want to do this alone. You opened your big fat mouth and used it against her, and now you’re taking it back for reasons you can’t even elaborate on. Yes, you’re worried about Eridan. You’re worried about the ocean of bloodshed that your matesprit’s been privy to witnessing. You’re worried about the warmbloods, hiding, waiting, begging for something to change long enough to get away with their lives. You’re fucking worried, all the time, and now you’re worried about your kids. You’re worried about their happiness, you’re worried about their health, and you’re worried about their safety. You’re worried about their futures.

All that worry, and you don’t think anyone really sees how much it’s always eating at you from all sides, inside.

To get her off your back, you offer her something else. “When are you heading out? I’ll get Meenah and Kankri ready to meet you. We could meet up this weekend? You could stay here, or we could stay there. Whatever you want to do, Highness.”

She jumps to attention at that, like you expected her to, and brings her hands together, close to her chest. “Oh… Hm! I want to do somefin _fun_! What does she like to do?”

You shrug. “She likes _things_. She’s been watching a lot of your viral videos, I think you’ve got a lot in common. I don’t think you realize how little exposure they’ve had to the real world so far. It hasn’t even been a perigee.”

“I do realize that, but it’s your job to be teaching them, isn’t it?”

You can’t tell if she’s joking, so you just snort. “Let’s go to your place. Let Meenah see a glimpse of what kind of domestic fun is in store for her, and make your image a little more troll-like and a little less idol-like.”

She nods, and you see her grey matter working out the details.

“Should I let you go, so you can tidy up your hive?” you ask, reaching over to the device.

“Oh! Yeah, shore. This weekend?”

“This weekend.”

“Great! I’ll sea you all, then!” And her arm darts out before you can even fully register the massive toothy grin on her face, and the feed cuts out, leaving you to stare at your hive screen.

You laugh a little, shaking your head, and turn the thing off, getting your ass out of the ablutions and into the nutritions- which is a stupid thing Gamzee used to say and you’ve since begun parroting, to your own unending chagrin.

Meenah’s been really nervous ever since you corralled the pair of them into the six-wheeler. Even moreso than Kankri, who was okay with sitting across from you while Meenah hogged your right side.

You’re not sure if you need to talk to her about it, or if the only thing that’s going to banish her anxiety is manifesting the unknown. But you’re here if you need her, and you know she knows that, because when you wrap your arm around her, she grabs your hand to pull you tighter.

Kankri, in the meantime, just stares through the tinted windows. Aradia wouldn’t attack your transit, you don’t think, and Feferi’s ostentatious palatial hive is probably one of the safest places on this planet. But some tinted windows couldn’t hurt.

“We’re almost there,” he announces, and Meenah pulls away from you, rakes her claws through her coiled hair, getting them caught a couple times, but it’s still too short too tangle painfully.

Kankri doesn’t seem so concerned, but based on the prior occasions, you’ve realized he adapts very well when he’s notified in advance. Two nights gave him all the time he needed to sort out his nerves, it seems, since he’s got their surroundings well-noted.

“Are we, really?” Meenah finally asks, looking out the window on her side.

“Why would I lie?” asks Kankri, right when you say, “Yes, we are.”

He makes a harsh noise, displeased that you humored her question, and you shrug, hoping he sees it out of the corner of his periphery.

You rest a hand on her shoulder and give her your most open Look. She cringes away from it, so you let her go.

“I’m not nervous,” she insists.

“Okay,” you say, at the same time Kankri accuses, “Liar.”

“Clam it,” retorts Meenah. “Alright. Okay, I’m. A little. Nervous. _Shoot!_”

She kicks her foot out against the seat across from her, which is empty.

“I wanted a different word,” she says petulantly. “One that doesn’t sound so lame.”

“It’s not lame to be nervous,” you tell her. “I’m nervous all the time. It’s a natural reaction to not knowing everything.”

She looks up at you like she doesn’t believe you, but she doesn’t just write you off.

She asks, “It is?”

And Kankri asks, “You are?”

You look between the both of them, then feel your shoulders hike up with the corners of your mouth. “Yes! Yes, all the time, totally. Yes.”

“What are you nervous about?” asks Meenah, and… That is _such_ a loaded question.

“I’m nervous about a ton of things,” you hedge. You try to pick something she can relate to. “I’m nervous about you guys liking me.”

“_What?_” She’s making a face at you, like she’s disgusted. “Why the heck are you nervous about _that?_”

“Well- I mean, I want you to like me,” you say. “And I can’t be sure that you will. Sometimes people just don’t like other people. Sometimes people make mistakes, and they can’t be forgiven. I really care about the both of you; I love you both more than I thought I could choose to love a troll, let alone _two_. I would be sad if you didn’t like me.”

Meenah punches your arm, and yeah, wow, she’s already benefitting from some seadweller strength. Poor Kankri. “Of course we like you. You make us food and stuff! You’re great!”

“That’s just my job. I’m supposed to take care of you. Don’t let anyone make you think just doing what they’re supposed to is a gesture of love.”

“Then what is a gesture of love?” Kankri asks.

You gape at him, a little helpless, then sigh. “Not bragging, that’s for sure.”

He squints at you, and the six-wheeler comes to a stop, momentum pushing all of you a little off-balance.

You smile weakly at him. “We’re here.”

He looks away, and over at Meenah, who’s hugging your arm and staring out nervously.

“Don’t worry,” you tell her. “She’s gonna love you. Or else I’ll kick her butt right in front of you.”

Meenah laughs a little. “Okay.”

The driver comes by to open the door, and you smile gratefully at them as you wave them aside to step out, Meenah begrudgingly letting you go.

As soon as you’re standing, you’re looking around, and it’s pretty easy to see there isn’t any danger afoot. The skies are clear, stars are bright, and the roundabout is lined with guards, not that Feferi needs any.

“Where’s the Empress?” you ask the driver, and they bring a hand up to their head, presumably to psionically communicate with someone.

“Being notified of your arrival,” they tell you. “She’s-“

“_HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”_

You both swing your heads up to see Feferi leaning out on her balcony, waving furiously. You can see her massive grin from here. You cup your hands around your mouth and shout up at her, “GET YOUR SCALY ASS DOWN HERE, YOUR IRIDESCENT MAGNANIMOSITY!”

You’re not sure how she reacts, but your instinct's that she blew a raspberry, right before-

Jumping-

Down-

And landing perfect on the hard ground, maybe twelve paces away from you.

The guards all clap, and you know that’s something _she _trained them to do.

“Show off,” you tease her, as she comes up and hugs you with a kind fraction of her strength.

“Alwaves,” she promises, before letting you go. “How was the trip? No surprises, I hope.”

“Only from the kids. Which is business as usual, so,” you trail off. You turn and duck a bit to look in, where the kids are gaping. You jerk your chin at them. “C’mon, say hi, guys.”

Kankri looks over at Meenah, then climbs out on his own, marches up to Feferi, and sticks his hand out, expression determined. “I’m Kankri.”

Feferi’s grin hasn’t dimmed a bit. She takes his hand, gently, you know, and lets him lead the shake. “I’m Feferi Peixes. I’m so excited to meet you, Kankri!”

He pulls back, and she lets him, but she doesn’t take her attention off of him. You love her so much it hurts.

“How was the trip, Kankri? Did you sea anyfin cool?”

Kankri nods, stepping aside so you’re across from him.

“I’m so glad!”

You wave a hand over at Meenah, who’s still stuck in the car. “C’mon, Meenah. Feferi’s got a bunch of massive pools and slides. It’ll take you the whole weekend to explore them all, I’m sure.”

She still doesn’t seem very convinced, and that’s when you remember.

Feferi kneels down, balancing herself on her fingertips. Her teeth are hidden now, but she’s still smiling. She speaks quietly. “I’m not going to hurt you, Meenah. I would never, ever hurt you. I know it feels that way. And I know you feel that way. But I’m stronger than my blood. And I know you are, too.”

Meenah climbs out, then. Slowly, still, eyes trained on Feferi, not blinking at all. Once she’s got her feet on land you say, “What did I tell you, Meenah? I’m never, ever, ever going to let anyone hurt you. Not Aradia. Not Feferi. Not anyone.”

She nods, slowly, then quickly, then blinks, then shakes her head. “Okay.”

She walks up to you and jerks her chin at Feferi in greeting.

“It’s really, really nice to meet you, Meenah,” Feferi says, as gently and kindly as she’s physically capable of saying it. It makes _you_ feel nice to be met, which makes absolutely no sense.

“Wish I could say the same,” mutters Meenah, and you don’t chastise her, but you do squeeze her shoulder, and she pulls her mouth to the side distastefully.

Feferi stands up, slowly, and brings her hands up together in a silent clap. “Whale! I hope you kids are hungry, I’ve been givin’ the kitchens so much carp to work with. Not alwaves literally.”

“If they aren’t, I sure am,” you say, bringing Kankri around to your other side so that neither of them are out of your grasp. You lead them behind her, because this is also deliberate, she’s displaying a clear disadvantage to Meenah, without any kind of fanfare.

But… She also displayed an insane amount of indestructibility, with her entrance.

You frown at her back.

Feferi leaves you three to freshen up before eating. You know where the hall she wants to hang out in is, and she says she needs to shower after sitting at her desk for sixteen hours straight, and then there’s a massive amount of space put between her and Meenah.

Meenah sighs all her breath out, practically deflating, once Feferi is out of range.

“I’m sorry,” you tell her. “It’s my fault you got blindsided. I don’t know how I forgot. I guess with Aradia… There’s no excuse. I’m sorry.”

“You knew that would happen?” she asks. “Yeesh. Okay, the like score is a little lower now, Karcrab.”

You nod, because sure, that’s fair. “I don’t know how it feels, but Feferi is a friend. She wouldn’t have contributed to the slurry pool if she didn’t want you to be hatched. She’s been excited for you for a very long time.”

“And if I’m not what she’s expectin’?”

You shake your head, smiling helplessly. “That’s not even an option. She’s not expecting you to be anyone other than who you are.”

“Stop bein’ like that!”

You veer back and she storms past you to the ablutions, slamming the door behind you. There’s only one ablutions, but the respite block is massive. The two of them’ll be sharing this one, and yours is across the hall, for easy access.

You sigh, weary, and look over at Kankri, who has since sat down on the bed.

“I thought she was nice,” he offers.

You laugh a little. “Yeah. She’s nice.”

“What is it that upset her so much?” he asks.

You lean on the wall, thinking about how to explain it in a simple way. “Trolls used to have to fight to survive. We had to see each other as enemies, because we were. But tyrians, the blood color that Feferi and Meenah have, is extremely rare. So, they still think they’re trying to survive.”

“Why isn’t she scared of you?”

“Well, the same reason. You know some trolls have psionic abilities, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, some trolls can project feelings. For Feferi and Meenah, they’re unwittingly projecting their own feelings of danger to each other. It’s not something that can be controlled, as far as any of us know.”

Kankri takes that in. Then he sighs. “So there’s nothing I can do.”

Your pumper squeezes, because that’s exactly the kind of instinct you want him to be exhibiting. “Well, you can be there for Meenah. You can be her ally. It’s hard to feel too scared when there’s someone on your side.”

“Some ally I make, though. You’re- You’re an _adult_. I’m just a kid, like her. I can’t protect her from anything.”

“But you’re equals,” you insist. “That’s so important. To have an equal. To have someone who can judge you, and have an impact doing it. It’s something everyone needs.”

Kankri mulls that over. “So it’s my job to judge her?”

“Er, sure. If she’s doing something dangerous to herself or others, yes. If she’s doing something you don’t approve of, sure. But being equals means she gets to judge you, too. So, if you want her to listen to you, you have to listen to her.”

He obviously grasps the meaning of that, because his face gets a little pinched. But he doesn’t outright grimace or argue.

“Hey, I’m gonna give Meenah some space,” you announce, pushing yourself off of the wall. “Come get me when you’re both ready to go meet Feferi. I’m right across the hall.”

He nods, and you leave, and when you close the door, you feel all the shame curl through your guts, and this is the _second_ time you’ve let Meenah down. It hasn’t even been a perigee. You are not equipped for this, at all. Your friends are all biased, had too much faith in you, you tricked them into thinking you were suited for this.

You take several deep breaths, staggering to your block, closing the door behind you.

You walk into the ablutions, and look in the mirror, and you look as distressed as you feel, which is therapeutic in its own way. Seeing your feelings laid out bare on your face. It’s you feeling them, and yes, you’re feeling them, and if you were seen by someone else, no one could deny that you were feeling this. Or, at least, that you were pretending to feel this.

At least you aren’t unsure about that.

You sit on the loadgaper. You just sit there, for a long time. You’re not sure how long, but it honestly probably wasn’t too long, but when you’re exposed to so much stimulation, being alone with your thoughts stretches out your perception. So, on a personal scale, you sit on the toilet for about half an hour. In reality? Who could say?

Then you get up, to go lay down on the bed.

You wake up, and the kids are sitting on the side of the bed you aren’t on. They’re talking, and they haven’t woken you up. A glance to the door shows that they shut it on their way in, which you’re marginally grateful for, because you know you drool when you fall deep enough.

“Just think about it,” says Meenah.

“I don’t want to, though,” argues Kankri.

“What are we thinking about?” you ask.

Meenah jerks and turns to you. “Um. Nothing.”

“She wants to run away and she thinks we’re strong enough to carry you,” Kankri snitches.

She growls at him, and you manage to sit up enough to put an arm between them before Meenah can jump him.

“Meenah,” you say, to get her attention. She frowns up at you. “I won’t let her hurt you, and I know for sure she doesn’t want to. But if you really don’t want to see her again, Kankri and I can go alone, and we can have someone send you some food. Or we can all stay here and eat without her. Or whatever. Whatever combination of things. I just want you to feel safe.”

She frowns deeper then pulls away and jumps off the bed. “Water-ver. Let’s just flippin’ go.”

“_Meenah_,” you push, sliding your legs off the bed.

“You’re willing to kill her if she comes for me?” she asks, turning from the door she’d been storming towards, eyes wide on you.

“Yes,” you say without hesitation. “Anyone. Anything.”

“Okay,” she says. “Then let’s just _go_. I’m hungry.”

Kankri has caught up to her by now, come past her now, and pulled the door open. You stand and follow them out.

You lead the pair of them down to the hall Feferi’s expecting you in, and she’s already there when you walk in. She’s sitting on one side of the table, a seat open to her right, and two across from her, and a massive buffet along the windows. Half of the palace is underground, and underwater. It’s a mimicry of the ocean, of where she grew up, and a taste of Meenah’s culture.

Meenah’s obviously taken in by this gesture, because of course Feferi chose this room on purpose, and she stares wide-eyed at the way light travels and dies in the depth.

Kankri’s also taken aback by the view, but he doesn’t seem drawn to it like Meenah, who’s passed the entire buffet just to touch the glass. It’s sturdy, you know it won’t be easy to break, and you don’t think Meenah is quite so chaotic as to smash it on purpose, so you let her wonder and wander along.

You push Kankri gently, gesturing to the buffet. “Grab whatever you want. Feferi’s trying to impress you, so you may as well take advantage.”

You think he found that funny, maybe, but then he’s off for the buffet, and you’re walking over to Feferi, leaning on the table by her while she smiles at Meenah.

“You wait long?”

“Oh, please. She’s here, that’s all I wanted.” She blinks away and over to you. “Is she okay?”

You shrug. “She’s here, right?”

“Right,” Feferi says, and she almost sounds convinced. She stands up and smiles at you. “Let’s eat, then.”

You walk with her over to the buffet, and stick by her as you fill your dish. It’s tactical, so Meenah doesn’t feel like _she_ needs to be keeping an eye on her. Feferi doesn’t mind, if she’s read into it, and you sit down together before either of the kids do.

“I talked to Eridan, by the bay. He knows you aren’t coming now,” she says quietly, which you appreciate, even if you hate that she’s bringing this up here and now. “He was sad aboat it, but he said he undersands your choice, which is cray talk to me. So I’m leaving schooner rather than later, right when you three are out of here.”

“Oh.” Of course Eridan would have to know at some point. But aren’t you awful for not being the one to tell him? “Okay.”

“I’ll have Sollux patch you in to me when I get a grasp on the seatuation, so I can update you. If we have to clean them out, Eridan won’t be alone.”

“Okay.” You need to say something else. “Thank you.”

It’s not enough. It’s not enough, at all.

At some point Kankri managed to lure Meenah away from the water, and now _he_ was following _her _while she loaded her dish up, and your pumper just about gives up. You feel guilty, and you feel pride, you feel grief, and you feel love.

They come over, and you pull a weighted blanket over the ugly parts of yourself, just until you can lay down in pitch darkness for a couple hours.

Meenah sits across from you and immediately starts digging in, and Kankri sits down across from Feferi and asks, “How does the water pressure work?”

“It’s reely not that deep,” she says with a frown. “The deep-deep ocean is conch-letely pitch-black. You can’t sea a single star. This is a lake, at best, and water pressure doesn’t get too bad in a lake.”

He starts to eat while she talks, and you’re grateful that he seems to be curious about her, and can carry a conversation while you try to pull yourself together.

You remember to eat.

“Did you used to live there?”

“Yes! Oh, I miss it so much. But it was also very lonely, so I kind of prefer it up here!”

“What was it like to adjust to the pressure change?”

“Gosh, it honestly hurt a lot. My chitin never forgave me, I’ve got scars all over,” she laughs. You know this about her, you’ve seen the scarring, the cracks all over her skin where it tried and succeeded at keeping itself together. They sprawl over her face, too, but she keeps them covered, in some attempt to seem more approachable, less violent. But she has never expressed any regret, any hint of doubt that, maybe, she would have been happier back home, alone.

“Would I be able to visit?” asks Meenah. And you’re glad she’s asking, she’s warming up. Good.

“Maybe! We’d have to get you a diving suit, but you’d definitely be able to breef. But let’s wait ‘till you’re older to reely think aboat makin’ the visit. You’re totally free to swim out there, though!” She’s gesturing to the lake. “I’ve also got a lot of not-so-sea-crit passages all throughout here that’re just water tubes. I can show you! I’m not sure if you can get through them, though, Kankri… We’ll have to sea bow long you can hold your breath.”

“Don’t drown my charge, Fef,” you joke. It doesn’t feel very good, but she laughs, and Meenah snorts, and Kankri looks more affronted than he does threatened.

“Why, I never!”

You eat.

You chat.

You come up with some plans for the weekend.

Feferi sends you off to sleep when the water starts looking a little too bright, and the kids start resting their heads on the table.

It was… a really awesome dinner. You know this. You know that Feferi made leaps and bounds in getting the kids to like her, especially Meenah. You know Kankri did a lot from his own side, asking questions he knew Meenah wanted to when she wouldn’t.

And you know Meenah, god, _Meenah_, she was so brave. She was so brave, for you, and for Kankri, and for Feferi. She pushed herself harder than she had to, because none of you gave her a good reason to, you know that. And she did amazing.

You kiss Feferi’s cheek when you she parts from your group, and she pinches yours.

You kiss your kids’ heads, outside their respiteblock, hug them close, thank them.

You ask them to sleep well.

You watch them push their sleepy bodies through the door and close it.

You retreat to your block.

Almost instantly, the dam breaks, and you’re scrambling for your bag, for your palmhusk, for Eridan’s contact, and calling.

And it rings.

And it rings.

And it rings.

He doesn’t answer.

You take a deep breath. It doesn’t mean anything. He could be asleep. He could be busy. You have no clue what the time difference looks like. You have no clue how much time has passed. You don’t understand how it bends through space, how none of you have aged beyond your primes, how you let yourself go so long without tearing your claws out with your teeth, knowing Eridan is _out there_ and _not here_, and there’s been so much murder, and-

You call and hang up and call and hang up and call and hang up and call and hang up.

You drop the device and your hands come up to your mouth, because you’re barely keeping yourself together, and your breath is ragged, and you’re crying, and you’re so fucking scared.

But you really have no right to be. To be scared, to be torn up, to be losing your cool when you knew, full well, what you were choosing. You were choosing to be with your charges. You were choosing to protect them. You were choosing not to go to Eridan. You were choosing not to help him.

The device buzzes, and your pumper stops, and you scramble for it, and answer the call, and-

“Are you fucking good?”

You choke back a sob, and the disappointment follows through, cutting off your breath completely.

“Dude. KK. Breathe, holy shit.”

You push out, “How do you know I’m not?”

And you know it sounds like you aren’t, but of course, because he’s Sollux, he still, “Because if you were, you’d already be shouting at me.”

“Go fuck yourself,” you manage. And then you take a breath, in case he makes you talk again.

“Fuck me yourself, coward,” he says, and he must be drunk, or high, or some kind of fucked up where it completely rationalizes why he called you the second he saw you freaking out on the server. “What’s going on, anyway? Don’t you have critters to be looking after? You don’t have time for booty calls anymore.”

“I didn’t call you,” you point out, angry at his blasé tone.

“Duh,” he says. “I meant your dumb as shit matesprit. You seemed a little desperate, there.”

“Not desperate enough to deal with you.”

“You haven’t hung up.”

“Fuck off and die.”

“Eventually, sure. C’mon, KK. I’m trying to be, uh. Supportive, or some shit. What’s going on?”

You breathe, trying to get yourself under enough control to curse him out and hang up on his ass. “Give me a second.”

“I’ll give you two,” he says, because he’s a fucking shithead. But then he goes, “If… If you don’t trust me, I understand. I get it, I really do. I was a huge fucking dipshit, and I fucked you over, and there’s no excuse for it. I just… I know what’s going on with Eridan, and I saw he wasn’t answering, and… We used to be able to distract each other.”

You’re breathing easier now, but everything hurts, and you’re too tired to be too angry. “I trust you fine, idiot. And it worked, so jerk off on that pride if you need a dopamine hit to sleep. I’m pissed, sure, but it’s just because I didn’t- None of us, but especially me, I didn’t catch her. I let you down, I let Feferi down, I let Terezi down. And now I’m letting Eridan down. But the kids are safe, so. It’s all good, right?”

“…You didn’t let me down, Karkat. You didn’t push me into her arms. Hell, you’ve told me two billion times that I’m too good for her, and that it was amazing I could find anyone shittier at being a troll than I was.”

“Still impressed.”

“She wasn’t ever really my moirail, OK? She didn’t give enough of a shit. Me being pathetic for her wasn’t your fault. I don’t know about FF or TZ, but you and I both know they’re smarter than you, anyway. So, again, not your fault. And Eridan… Well, IDK. I’m just glad I’m not in your prancers.”

“Asshole,” you growl. “You were almost comforting for a moment there.”

“Darn,” he says, feelingly.

“I can’t just leave them,” you say, like he’s arguing you. “And I can’t take them with me.”

“A rock and a hard place. Yeah, I know the drill.”

“I’m a horrible matesprit,” you confess. The tears well up again. “All I do is play with him when he’s here and ignore him when he’s not.”

“I’ve got call logs to the contrary. You’ve both just been busy, dude. You’re OK.”

“I should be there for him,” you argue.

“You can’t be in two places at once. Unfortunately.”

“I’m losing track of _everything_. I keep forgetting major moving pieces. I don’t know how to keep up.”

“You’re getting old. So, what?”

“You and I both know that isn’t true.”

“Just because you aren’t dying doesn’t mean you aren’t aging. Things are bound to pile up. Though, not me, heh.”

“Dude, no,” you moan. “Dude. Sollux. My man. Don’t go there. You’re so much better than her, you always were. Anyone would be lucky to pile with you.”

“You offering?”

“No.”

“Awesome.”

“Sollux.”

“What.”

“I’m serious. You should start dating. I think it’d be good for you. You’ve spent so much time begging for Aradia’s attention, you deserve to be doted on.”

“Ew. Don’t say that shit to me. You’re so fucking gross.”

“Says the guy who keeps coming onto me.”

“I’m having a mental breakdown, sue me.”

“Which is exactly why we can’t pile. We’d just commit joint suicide. And you can’t even say the word, so that’s off the table.”

“Fuck you.”

You smile a little, when the idea comes to you. “You know, there’s no shame in paying for it.”

He hangs up on you.

You sigh. You feel, well. Not better. But you can sleep.

You cradle the palmhusk to you when you lay down.

It doesn’t ring again, for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeez. luis. anyway. im hooked on this one for the time being. i keep thinking about very specific things i wanna get in here and im like AAAAAA fuck,e. its funny to me because i know this absolutely isnt in the mainstream of what people are looking for but god. its keeping me alive
> 
> note: i posted this while DEAD TIRED without editing it and holy shit im so sorry. i think they're fixed now though LMAO. never again will i write and post without rereading with a Clear Mind.

**Author's Note:**

> this au is very developed, like i know everything that happens and some of the major character developments and relationship dynamic shifts, but this one is rly just supposed to be a focus on karkat being a dad and then one of his kids hating him and the other one being a fucking dumbass oh wait theyre both dumbasses. yes theyre just children but theyre going to grow into meenah and kankri so... i mean... anyway if u just wanna talk abt it or abt homestuck or sth reach out i have trouble responding to comments but im feeling chatty lately.
> 
> also if i get anything wrong...well i probably wont correct it but feel free to let me know!! i havent read homestuck in years save for the epilogues and we know how much troll action went on there (and tbh... i havent read much homestuck fic lately) so ive been in my own safe little homestuck lore bubble where everything i say is the only thing that exists. and i like it that way! but lmk if im so au/ooc i should put a disclaimer or it makes it unfun to read :( i mean i did make character changes for the context and also so that i personally like them better (eridan is probably an example of the latter) but yea U_U
> 
> ok c u next time luv u [insert heart emoji]


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